Confessions of a Disappointed Girl in Love - Latest Comments in Submissions

Re: Submissions

heartbreakerboo — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 22:55:59 -0000

I'm an awful person. Truely I am. My best friend has been in love with me since third grade, and I was oblivious up until quite recently. We both went away for school and that's when i realized i couldnt live without him, i needed him to chill with and talk. Scared to lose him, I made a move. I asked him "what do you think of me?" stunned into silence i kissed him. He said i guess you like me too. He was my first, and i do not regret it. We werent in a relationship, but it all seemed so perfect, and after all id known him forever. Now im back at school, we are basically on hold which is working perfect for both of us. He likes me so much and i just dont understand, he is so serious and it scares me. Could we ever go back to friends? So many people have told me no. I am attracted to another guy, i think of him often. He messes with me and i am kept wondering what he thinks aobout me. Hes with another girl. The other boy is waiting, patiently, head over heels for me. I AM A BITCH

Re: Submissions

finally content — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 01:12:24 -0000

I can't believe how fortunate I am, how lucky I've been for the past several weeks. He was always a good friend, but in April something finally clicked on my end (apparently everyone else knew how he felt except for yours truly, Miss Oblivious) and we've been enjoying one another's company ever since. Since the end of classes for seniors, I've seen him as often as possible. It's been more of a relationship than I've ever had, but this time I can say there isn't any of the usual awkwardness, the searching for conversation or an escape. It's a shame it had to happen so late and so close to the beginning of college, but at least we have these fleeting months.

He doesn't know it, but I'm calling him over to make lunch tomorrow.

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this sucks — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 21:16:20 -0000

you're so lucky.

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this sucks — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 21:09:59 -0000

I cant believe that i wasted so much of my time and so much of my love on you. What did i see in you? you were controlling, manipulative, shallow, closed minded, and just plain dumb. You never listened to me. I have to much to say, but you never listen. I am way to good for you, and it took me so long to realize this. That it is just pathetic. I am so angry with myself. You are really a jerk, you really really are. I hope one day you are truly sorry for the way that you treated me these past few years. I know that you really wont realize because you are too self absorbed, I only wish i saw this sooner.

I don't know how to love anyone else. You really ruined me. I will recover. I know I will. I used to think I was so lucky because you loved me so much. You never really loved me. It hurts so much knowing that I have never been loved, especially after thinking that I was so adored. You would have loved the first girl that came your way! Well it was me, lucky old me.

I cant wait until I find someone else. I'm so excited for that day.

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that guy — Fri, 29 May 2009 00:39:31 -0000

Hey i'll be that guy for you

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Update — Mon, 25 May 2009 12:14:18 -0000

A little while ago I wrote in here about how my boyfriend broke up with me and I was heartbroken. I just wanted to let you all know that I have a new boyfriend and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love him.

Re: Submissions

Anonymous — Sat, 23 May 2009 02:30:06 -0000

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Just Remember This — Sat, 23 May 2009 02:08:10 -0000

I love you.
I love you and I'm too afraid to tell you.
You're the perfect guy, the guy that every girl would be so lucky to have.
I love you does not even seem a strong enough phrase for the way I feel.
I wonder why you don't love me back, but I know.
I know that you're too good for me.
I know that I showed you the wrong side of myself, and that with the impression I gave you, I would have no chance of finding anyone to love me, let alone someone as amazing as you.

Amazing.
Amazing how much my heart aches when I'm not with you.
Amazing how happy I am just to be near you, even in silence.
Words unspoken which I once thought were there are now but mere fantasies.
Amazing. You are so amazing.
I am consistently awed by all you do.
The intense kindness of your heart, your intelligence, your confidence.
You are so understanding and so selfless.
You are everything I wish I could be.
I love you.
I love you and I'm too afraid to tell you.

But you already know.

Re: Submissions

I KNOW — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 23:51:24 -0000

exactlywhat i was thinking this sucks

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Broken Heart — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:10:28 -0000

He was my first love. I didn't even realize I liked him at first. It started with holding hands, making him walk me to class. It was all just fun, I wanted to be his friend because he was just so adorable. I ended up getting mono (still don't know from who) and he was the first person to come visit me. We spent a few hours just talking and watching a spring thunderstorm. I was his first girlfriend, his first a lot of things actually. And him for me, I just wasn't nearly as naive or innocent. When he told me he loved me I melted into a puddle. I could see us spending forever together. Things were great for the first 7 months. I had never been happier. The 8th month things got complicated. We had sex. I don't regret it at all because I know he was supposed to be my first. We were so in love. The next 2 months, however, got weird. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, talk to him all the time. He started returning my phone calls less and less, becoming more and more distant. I couldn't understand what was wrong. It all came down to one Sunday morning and a 45 minute phone call. I had never cried that hard before and haven't since. It was all over and the only explanation I got was that he was "falling out of love" with me. Not only did that break my heart, but it pissed me off. We dated for 10 months and it took me over 2 months to stop crying myself to sleep. I miss him sometimes and something reminds me of him every day. It kills me to see him walk by in the hallway, walk past me in a class room, sit down right next to me and completely ignore the fact that I exist. I was a big part of his life for around a year and he doesn't even have the decency to wave or just give me a freaking head nod. It's like he breaks my heart over and over again every day. We broke up a year ago this month. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over him, but I know that he'll never come back to me.

Re: Submissions

all_over_the_place — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 00:37:00 -0000

I've liked him for over a year. I always thought that he was the perfect guy. He was confident and cool, yet a little shy and reserved. My friends didn't really understand what I saw in him.. I thought that he was the cutest thing alive.. He's a real man.. tall and broad. he looked like the kind of guy who could protect me from any hardm taht might come my way. It all started in junior year. We would talk sometimes in classes that he had togther and we would look at each other sometimes from across the classroom. There were sometimes times at school activities/ events that we would talk . It was all pretty casual.. although I would usually go out of my way to talk to him (although I tried not to be too obvious about it). Now we dont see each other for the whole summer and theres some stuff that happened with other guys at a summer program.. but that ended and all of those people lived far away. I still liked him and when i came back to school we still had the same subtle flirtings going on. We hung out in school at times. Once we went on a walk andf ended up in this room and talked for at least a half hour.. just talking, nothing more. I really liked him and was pretty sure that he liked me. I got his screenname at some point and after much pacing eventually gained the courage to im him. We talked for a little bit and he mentiioned that we should hang out some time. Some time went by and we hadn't hung out and then I im'ed him over vaction and he asked if I wanted to see a movie with him. I had hooked up with guys before, but that was my fiurst real date. Was saw kind of a scary movie and I was like freaking out and holding onto him the whole time. Then he walked me home and kissed me right outside of my house. After that I was on cloud nine and was like so excited/nervous about this whole thing and where it would lead. I couldn't eat for a few days aftter that because of the excitment. I didn't hear back from him for the rest of vacation since we texted later that night. My friend was trying to convience me that he should've called me agian and that he was unable to be commited to anyone. I agreed with her and was upset with that he hadn't tried talking to me again, but I wasn't goiong to let it get to me too much... In school the next week we talked alittle sometimes, but not as much as I might've liked. There was this kind of awkwardness between us. I hated it and debated with myself over whether I should approach him and over what this meant for us and what he was thinking. I wasn't sure if he was just shy or if this meant that he didn't really like me... So one Saturday night I was obsessing and stressing to one of my friends and i asked her if she thought I should text him to ask to hang out.. she convienced me to text him. It turns out that he was hanging out with another friend that night and i told him that that was too bad b/c i wanted to hang out with him. He asked about the next day but I was unavailable so I told him that I was doing something but that we should hang out soon... That monday in school we were hanging out in school at some point when we both didn't have class. We ended up back in that room that he had taken me to a few months back. This time we hooked up in there. I was so happy.. he told me that he really wanted to do that.. then he was holding me and telling me that he didn'ty want me to leave (I had to go because i was already late for my ride home). The next time I saw him in school, we waved at each other. I don't exacty know how I should behave around him.. I feel weird being all over him and whatever. We talk occasionally and I get upset with the situation and at myself. I was especially upset with myself when I didn't talk to him at all at this particular school function. But I also realized, because a friend pointed it out, that he also didn't make an effort to talk to me so I shouldn't beat myself up over this.
I make a consciouss effort not to obsess over him beacsue I saw that it was pissing off my friends when I talked about him so much and that it wasn't healthy for me. We went on vacation again and I talked to him beforehand the break and found out that he was going to be away. Over the break I tried not to talk about him and i didn'ty text him. There wasn't that pressure of should I ask him to hang out/ should I not because he was away... On the first day back we were hanging out in school and walking around together and he stopped somewhere to make a photocopy and my friend comes up to me and asks me to go somewhere with her and I stupidly agree because I didn't know exactly how to explain why I couldn't go ( she's not a huge fan of his and it's possible that she was trying to get me away unpurpose). .. why I came back to where he was, he wasn't there.. I mean I don't blame him for anything.. I was just so extremely pissed at myself for voluntarily leaving when I had been waiting for a moment like this for over a month.

Sometimes I just think that I am so stupid. I am already confused about what he thinks.. and now I'm probably confusinmg him. There is so much I want to talk about but i don't know how/ don't always feel comfortable approaching him. i'm not sure exactly where I'd want this to go, but I know that I don't want it to stop. I've liked him for so long and I do not want to let such a good opportunity pass me by. I think that I'd want to be his gf. I want to have him all to myself and don't want to have this whole awkward thing between us. I also know that I really like him and that I would be crushed if I found out that there was anything going on with him and another girl. the thing is I don't just want to hook up wioth him. i want him. I want to hold hand, I want to just sit in each others' arms, I want to be able to tell him things that I cannot tell anyone else. A feart that I have of gettinmg into a relationship is knowing taht we will not be able to be together forever and that I don't want a bad breakup that would lead to a destruction of the friendship that we had or would leave me hating him. I know that I should not go into life with those fears, but I still have them. I also know that whatever we do end up having will have to end in about 4 months because our post college plans will lead us to be very fart away from one another next year. The fact that I know that we have an exact cut off date scares me a little in that i'll be going in knowing that it does not have the potential to last forever and that we are going to more or less have an exact cut off date. I also fear that what he wants is primarily a physical relationship whci is not really what i want. I know that i should talk to him about this at some point because I am so shy and have this humongous fear of rejection. I know that I should have more confidence in myself, but it is sometimes hard for me to grasp the idea that somebody actually likes me. Since he is honestly the first person in my school to really show interest in me and to recipricate my feelings for him. I do not want to end out the rest of my senior year without having a guy that is mine. i hope this doesn't sound like I am just settling for someone just because he likes me.. I do genuinely like him. i just realize that he is the only one and that there would be no one else for me if things werte to end with him.

my my thoughts are seriously all over the place. I'm sure that guys do not spend this much time trying to figure things out. I am still in the middle of this situation now and I really can't predict what will happen in the future... I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Re: Submissions

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 22:09:19 -0000

I know exactly how you feel. Especially with the book thing. It's been over a year now and I still haven't given the book back. I haven't even read past the first chapter, even though I mean to. Part of me doesn't want to read it, because once I do, I know I'll feel guilty not giving it back. I just love looking at the white line down the cover, where he clearly bent it while reading.

Re: Submissions

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:39:47 -0000

Have you ever developed a bit of an obsession with a guy that you don’t know personally, you just know about him? It’s not really a crush, because you don’t know him at all. You just want to talk to him, and become friends. It happens to me all the freaking time, but freshman year, one of my obsessions became more severe than ever before. I actually stalked him a bit. Not just look-at-his-facebook stalk, but IMed him even though we’d only talked in person once, and noted where I’d seen him throughout the school days to learn his schedule. I know, I’m ashamed.

After a summer of trying to get over my obsession, I returned for sophomore year thinking I’d succeeded. Nope. So what do I do? After meeting the guy’s best friend, I develop a relationship with him (the best friend). Let’s call him green eyes. Green eyes and I date for five months. Meanwhile the original guy and I actually become friends, and the obsession is broken. After my relationship ends with green eyes when he didn’t ask me to prom, I turn my focus back to my new friend: green eye’s best friend and my former obsession.

This is when the real story starts. The guy and I became so close, that I was convinced we were best friends. We were hanging out and texting constantly, and I was confiding in him solely. He WAS my best friend. And then he got sick. Mentally. I’m still not sure what it was – a nervous breakdown, depression, I don’t know. About four days after his breakdown, I texted him to see how he was. And from that point on, I got the sense that he needed me. He was already my best friend, but we became even closer because I was taking care of him. And he took care of me, too. He gave me humor when I needed it the most, and he listened when I needed to talk. He was my best friend.

One night, he was going to take me home after our extracurricular activity, like always. I was lagging behind because I had to gather all the different music for new parts I was playing, and he waited patiently. In fact, he came over and started to help me pull the stuff together. And that’s when I felt it. My best friend, the one who I’d sworn I could never be more than friends with, made me nervous. I went from completely comfortable to constantly alert, analyzing every motion either of us made, and assuming he did the same. I had feelings for my best friend. We went away on a group trip together at the beginning of the summer, and my feelings intensified. After nine inseparable days together, I contemplated my feelings, thinking that maybe I was really in love for the first time in my life.

I went away for five weeks to another country, and called him internationally twice, having good long conversations with him. I came home and he barely talked to me. It seemed his mental illness had come back, and he was cutting off all of his old friends, perhaps in preparation for college. I saw him twice, for about five minutes each, and the worst was the second time. He came over to pick up some things he had lent me before he left for college. He was extremely awkward, told me to “stay in touch… I guess”, and left after refusing to give me a hug goodbye.

I didn’t see or hear from him until December 30th. I went four months without a single response to any texts, IMs, or emails I sent. I was left with a gaping void in my life. I lost my guy friend, absolute best friend, and guy that I was in love with all in one. Turns out he took the year off from college after going on medical leave. When I finally saw him, I was tricked into it. He’d been hanging out with this girl who he used to talk to me about how much he hated her. She invited me to hang out, and when I drove her to where we planned to go, he was there, waiting to hang out with us. He was a jerk to me, despite the fact that he arranged the meeting, and hooked up with that girl a few days later. I’ve seen him twice – that night, and about a month ago. He showed up at an event I was performing in and immaturely avoided me, making a huge scene about how he was doing so. I broke down. The incident had rendered me completely dysfunctional, just as I had been back in August and September. Desperately seeking any form of relief, I emailed him. I proposed my request: if you’re not going to be a positive presence in my life, please don’t be in my life. His response (which I was shocked that there was actually a response) conflicted itself, bringing claims against me, claims that he only came to see me, and claims defending himself and how he only wanted the best for me.

We’re trying to be friends now. We’ve talked a bit on IM, but it’s uncomfortable. We both know that we’re watching what we say, not wanting to get too close. But I’m still stuck on him. Not the person he is now, but who he used to be. I’m in love with a guy who doesn’t exist anymore, and I still feel lonely because of this.

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no one — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 12:43:10 -0000

I can’t get up I can’t stand tall
My heart is broken and shriveled and mauled
My face in transparent yet convincing and strong
But my body is aching, my stare sudden longs
They escape to my cheeks, the surface of world
I hide my feelings and never yearn
To trust anyone
Never. You don’t understand…

You don’t understand the tears I’ve cried
The false belief and the truth in mind
My body aches and my stomach churns
I never want to get up. I may never return…

Re: Submissions

anon — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 10:24:57 -0000

...are you me? did i write this.
it's tough.

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A Haiku — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:38:57 -0000

First kisses are lame,
Even in nighttime playgrounds,
If they taste like ham.

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Endless frustration... — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:11:42 -0000

I don't think a rollercoaster of emotion is exactly good for my mental health when he's completely into me for two weeks, everything is really good for a month, everything goes incredibly wrong for two weeks, we break up and don't talk for two weeks, then we repeat the cycle. Especially when it's been going on for...10 months now?

But it's such a hard cycle to break! Because when it's good it's amazing... Now why can't it always be like that, huh?

Re: Submissions

Boogie Nights — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:40:54 -0000

I was in withdrawl. It had been a solid 5 months without ANY action. A night out was exactly what I needed, and I was on a mission. It was the party of the semester and I had to use my most secret connections just to get in. My girlfriend and I did a lap around the house, scouting out my options. We decided our best bet was to hit the dance floor and off we went. Music pumping, hair flying, bodies grinding. Then I saw him. Across the dance floor was a guy clearly looking for a good time: a good time I knew I could give him. We danced for a little while then things started to get hot. He was rubbing my thighs, kissing my neck, our hot bodies were sliding together to the beat of the music. Then he whispered in my ear and suddenly my world was spun around. “I’m gay, but I would totally go straight for you,” he said. Oh. No. This is not what I wanted, this is not….Hey! Hold on a minute. Maybe this is what I wanted. Yes! This is perfect. A guilt-free no string attached hookup with a beautiful (gay) man. Perfect. I spun around to face him and smiled. “Would go straight for me, or will?” I asked. “Oh, I’m totally down” he replied, and that was that. I made out with my first gay guy and he, believe it or not, made out with his first girl! I later found out that he had just broken up with his boy friend of a year (awww), and thought that maybe, before looking for a new boy, he should see if there was something about girls he was missing out on. He told me I was great, that he would love to hang out, but that “kissing a girl just doesn’t do it for him. No offense”. No offense taken. Mission accomplished.

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fsdfsd — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:16:19 -0000

wow, did i write this?d

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stupid — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:54:14 -0000

The things I trusted you with got around.
So when I tried to kill my self I thought you would understand that I really didn't want your trouble anymore
you ruined my life
we still haven't directly talked about it
I guess I never really told you it was your fault
I can't believe I thought I trusted you
its been two years.
i still miss you
I can't listen to any of your music anymore

Re: Submissions

anonymous — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:47:52 -0000

I knew that he liked me, but I never really gave him a chance.
Junior year, my friend and I went a little crazy, and hooked up with A LOT of guys. One night, I had a little too much to drink, and ended up hooking up, and giving head to a boy that I had hooked up with once before. I was so infatuated, and I couldn’t get him off of my mind. For the next couple months, we hooked up on occasion and eventually decided that we were going to wait until the summer to start hooking up again.
Well, we didn’t wait that long at all. We ended up hooking up about a month or two later. I was really excited, because I thought that he actually liked me, and that he thought about me as much as a thought about him. I was wrong. A couple of weeks later, he started hooking up with another girl in my grade, and they got pretty intense. I never acted upset, because it wasn’t like we were in a relationship or anything, but inside I felt so insulted. I had been friends with him since 7th grade, and he obviously just thought of me as an object, and thought this other girl who he hardly knew was so much prettier then me.
For the last couple months of school, I started to become really close with another boy. He was so sweet, and I could tell that he really cared about me. He told some of my friends that he really liked me, but I ignored it. I talked to him because he was willing to listen to me.
Finally the summer came. The first week of summer, the jazz band took a trip to Italy. Instead of sitting with the boy who I loved to talk to, I sat with the other one on the plane. A couple minutes after the plane took off, we hooked up. And the other boy was sitting right next to us. We got to Italy, and just my luck, the two boys were rooming together. The next night, we were on the bus, and I ended up hooking up with a completely random boy in my grade, because I was too scared to turn him down. I only did this because I had lost all of my self-confidence from being hurt so badly. The two roomies both saw it, and I regret doing it. Even thought the first boy hurt me so badly, I was still interested in him. I didn’t want to lose him, solely because knowing that he would hook up with me made me feel prettier, and made me think that more guys would want me. But it took me way too long to realize that that wasn’t what I actually wanted. With two days left in the trip, the boy who I had become so close with at the end of the year took me out of my room, and into the hallway in the hotel. It was 5 A.M, and the sun was rising. We sat across from each other, and he held my hands, and said “what would you do if I kissed you right now?” My heart was racing. I don’t even remember my response, I was so nervous, but after that he asked my permission to kiss me, and I nodded, and smiled. The moment our lips touched, I knew he was the one. It was the best feeling in the entire world. I was so stupid to wait so long. He was absolutely perfect for me. Right after we got back from Italy, I went away for 5 weeks, and it was so hard. I missed him so much. When I got home, we hung out almost every day before school started. He officially asked me out the day before we went back to school. I’m so happy that I finally accepted him, because he is the boy of my dreams. I just wish I realized sooner. I feel so bad for hurting him. If only I realized earlier that he was the love of my life.

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Anonymous — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:26:53 -0000

I've liked him FOREVER. When he finally liked me back, I ran away. Now he doesn't like me anymore, but I still want him. Why can't I get my act together??

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meep — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:17:50 -0000

Just go for that blonde bitch. She's a huge tease. Have fun with your blueballs dumbass.

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EEK — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:03:01 -0000

Today, my boyfriend and i were making out for a while. i got bored so i opened my eyes and i saw this old lady glaring at us. FML.

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Lost in Love — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 21:59:05 -0000

In a perfect world, I'd be yours and you'd be mine
But perfection is surreal, so I'll wait in line
I'll wait for you , because you mean that much
I'll wait for you even though I yearn for your touch
Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking of you
And I cry, doubting that you're thinking of me too
Tears fall from my eyes and drip down to my chin
Loving someone as much as I love you should be considered a sin
How can I love you this much, yet still hurt so deeply inside?
How can every conversation, turn into a loss of my pride?
If you love me than you'll stop pushing me away
If you love me than you'll promise to appreciate everyday
Everyday that you wake up, knowing I wait for your call
Everyday I wish you could be here to catch me when I fall
One more moment in your arms, a kiss from your lips
All I want is to be yours, but I can feel my heart rip
I'm putting me to the side, so I can be there for you
That says a lot about me, what does it say about you?