DISQUS

Ruined Pants Girl · 10 months ago

Halloween my junior year of high school, my friends and I decided to throw a blind date couples Halloween spectacular. We invited a lot of random kids to come, who were assigned corresponding costumes. When they arrived at the party, they would find their date, and hopefully, fall in love immediately. At least, that is what we hoped would happen.

I had asked my friends to set me up with this one boy in my advisory. He was cute and smart, and I was interested in him. He gracefully accepted the invitation, and that night, we were the Ninja and the Pirate.

The awkwardness settled early in the evening, so we broke out the alcohol earlier than expected. Everyone was more than willing to drink. I, being unable to deal with awkward situations, drank heavily, and within the first 40 minutes, was already toasted.

As the night went on, and people got more and more drunk, it actually became a really great time. The music was loud and people were willing to dance. My two friends had brought handfuls of neon lights, making up the bones of their "neon skeleton" costumes. And, as any drunken person would do, I took the neon lights and formed an extraordinarily long chain out of them. I then continued to chain myself to my date. Because that is a typical thing to do.

Unable to remember how I got there, I woke up—outside—no pants on, grass stains on my knees, making out with my date—still chained via the neon light chain.

How romantic.

Really Awkward · 10 months ago

I was so confident,
I knew just what to do:
When you dropped me off at home,
I’d lean over and kiss you.

So when the time finally came
To actually do it,
I closed my eyes and jumped on you
But my kiss landed on your cheek.

If I was a brave girl I would · 10 months ago

...stand in the hallway and wait for you
Although I know you don’t want to see me
Your presence is what I look forward to
As I lie in bed, awake, nightly.
I know this poem might seem creepy
But I can’t think of another way to say
That hearing your voice kills me quietly
Since all I want is to sleep in your arms all day.
But since Saturday you’ve pushed me away
And I’m not sure what I’ve done wrong
It’s not like I want to get married, per se
I just have all these words I’ve held onto too long.
If I was a brave girl you’d already know
That I love every part of you, head down to toe.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I dated this boy for 17 months. I loved him. We had sex. Now he blows. I feel like, while dating, he made a mental list of all the things i didn't like. Then, broke up with me and did them all. Let me just tell you all of those things on that list. He was constantly accused of cheating on me with this ugly girl, whom after breaking my heart, bought her a 400 dollar diamond ring. He fucked this other girl Meghan, who ruined our one year anniversary by attempting to convince him to hook up with her, which he did not. Only because he was in a different state and physically could not. So, we didn't really talk forever.

Recently, we've spoken. A little. I have my guard up in a huge way. However, the little fucker knows just how to get to me. And i let him. Because i love him? Please don't ask me why. So this situation was all fine and dandy until today...

He shows up at my house today. I let him inside. No one was home.. and for the first 20 minutes it was the most akward thing ever. We were both trying to show eachother how much we didn't care about eachother and being dicks to eachother. Then, we just like sat together, and eventually hooked up, even though i didn't want to and i was afraid of what was going to happen. We talked for 2 hours and he told me how much he missed me, and did all these things. I can usually tell when he's bsing and i dont think he was, and saying how much he loved me and stuff. And i got to say all the things i watned to.. like how i hate that hes playing me and treating me like shit and all that.. and then he left, playing our song on the radio.. came back down my driveway and ran into my house, gave me a kiss and drove away. Then, when he was over after we hooked up i was said something like 'you know.. i know youre just going to stop talking to me like you always do.. and ive made so much progress and now its just going to hurt even more..' and hes like 'no no i wont do that anymore i promise..' and so we were talking online.. for like, 10 minutes? And he just like stopped talking to me. And now i feel like a fucking idiot because i KNEW this was going to happen, and I knew I was going to feel like this. And i hate it.

My heart hurts, and I haven't cried in a really long time. Maybe I'll give up crying for Lent.

Hopeles... · 10 months ago

I fall in love with any boy who gives me five minutes' worth of attention. I can't help it. As soon as he smiles at in Gov class, or texts me about math homework, or rubs my shoulder during lunch I swoon and melt and fall right in love.

anonymous · 10 months ago

I feel like all I want is to for someone to love me.
So why is it that once anyone does, I come up with excuses for why he isn't good enough?
Then I feel shitty about how I don't love him back.
But sometimes I just can't make myself love someone, no matter how badly I want to.

anonymous · 10 months ago

i'm going through the same thing...

anonymous2 · 10 months ago

everyone goes through it

anonymous3 · 10 months ago

when you find the right guy, you'll know it. don't try to love a guy until you KNOW he's good enough. you'll know, I promise.

Confession... · 10 months ago

The only time a boy has ever called me beautiful has been when he's trying to get a blow job.
Fml.

anonymous · 10 months ago

I don't believe a guy when he says he likes me because I don't think I'm good enough.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

i can empathize. i have the same feelings

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I think I like him. I’m not really sure.
When I walk into a room, I gravitate towards him, pulled by a force I don’t understand.
I’m afraid to sit right next to him- I feel too obvious. So I go for 2 seats over. No one sits in between.
If we’re not sitting next to each other, he’s always in my line of sight. Not in a weird way, but I just like knowing that he’s there.
We talk a lot, sometimes. We have a lot of things in common. We have the same taste in books.
I borrowed a book from him about a month ago. I still have it, even though I finished it the week I got it. I like having it in my room. I like the smudges on the pages that say he was there too. I like reading the words I know he read. The words we both read.
So I’m pretty sure I like him. But I’m afraid to fall. He doesn’t flirt like other guys, and he’s not as obvious. I guess that’s part of what I like about him.
It hurts when he talks to other girls and laughs at what they say. He’s mine, even if he doesn’t know it. But then again, maybe he does know.
I have no idea, and I don’t know where to go from here.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll move one seat closer and sit next to him.

Anonymous · 8 months ago

I know exactly how you feel. Especially with the book thing. It's been over a year now and I still haven't given the book back. I haven't even read past the first chapter, even though I mean to. Part of me doesn't want to read it, because once I do, I know I'll feel guilty not giving it back. I just love looking at the white line down the cover, where he clearly bent it while reading.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

Everyone has their first love. Whether it is when you’re 13 or 27, you will never forget that special person. I met him when I was 15, right when summer started. You could say it was summer love, but it turned into much more than just that. Everyday we would be at our friend’s house hanging out, singing every song that came to mind, and laughing with the people we became so close with. He was everything to me. He was charismatic and had the dorkiest smile in the world, but I loved it. I remember one night we were at a party and it was just him and I outside sitting in the dirt talking about what I wanted out of life. It might have been the first conversation that really brought us to understand each other; I was falling in love with this boy before my very eyes. But I was young and didn’t understand the meaning of love or the meaning of boyfriend. It is now September and all my friends and I are at a party. I was drunk and stupid and hooked up with another guy. I told him and we were over. I can’t exactly say why I did it, but it all made sense to me at the time. I was young and wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was looking at other guys and didn’t notice the man I had right in front of me. A month later it is around late October I found out he was going out with one of my old best friends. I was devastated. How could I have let this boy go? Was it because I was scared? Of course I was scared! Having this feeling inside of you that is so new and so mysterious was terrifying! I didn’t have a clue in the world what to do… so I pushed him away. Months pass, it is now January ‘08 and we started talking again. He talks about how he misses me and we decide to get away. The next morning he picks me up around 8 am and we drove to the mountains (told my parents my friend’s dad was picking me up because we were all going skiing). We spent the whole day together talking and laughing, reminiscing and thinking, and then I realized how much I truly am in-love with this boy. I remember him telling me that when he is done school and everything is figured out, he knows that we will end up together. So fast forward half a year, he is in California filming and is still going out with my ex-best friend all the way back home. I actually remember when I found out that him and his girlfriend had broken up. I was the happiest child alive. I remember finding out that they had broken up the day after me and my hookup decided to cut things off; it was fate. I remember calling him a couple nights after he got home from the west coast and leaving him a message, telling him how I am still in love with him and how I need to be with him and how I was so sorry for being stupid. When I saw him the next day at a party, it all fell into place; we were inseparable. Love is a crazy feeling and I knew at that moment that we are meant to be with each other.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I know who this is.
-C

I want · 10 months ago

I want that head over heels, absolutely insane, all-powerful, I would die for you kind of love. The kind of love that stretches your heart all the way to him, so to ease the pain you just have to stay closer. I want to feel like a part of him, a limb of his, can’t live without. I want that crazy, obsessive kind of love. I want to hold on to him forever and never let go… I want him to need me more than anything. I want mean the world to him. I want to be the only one.

that guy · 7 months ago

Hey i'll be that guy for you

anonymous · 10 months ago

Even though my boyfriend asked me out more then a year ago, I fall more in love with him everyday. Neither of us have ever been more in love with anyone. I truly think we are meant for each other. Like i found my missing puzzle piece.

FAIL. · 10 months ago

I was sleeping in my friend's bed. Her brother's friend was next door. Suddenly, he walked into my room. He turned on the light, looked for his phone and then crawled into bed with me. Now this was probably the tensest moment of my life. I couldn’t believe that him and me were together, alone, in the dark, practically naked, drunk and horny together in a bed, and we’re both single. How convenient. My heart was literally racing and I could hardly breathe. I thought back to my 6th grade self and thought of how much I had dreamed of this moment. I obviously really wanted to hookup with him and at one point almost jumped him because I got bored of waiting. I was waiting for him to kiss me for so long that I couldn’t even sleep until like 5 am. Around three when our footsie and accidental scrapings became intense I stupidly decided that I had to go to the bathroom. I realized as I made the awkward and not to be heard pee sounds that it TOTALLY and COMPLETELY killed the moment. I got back in bed and felt nothing. It was awful. For the rest of the night I was just waiting there but nothing at all happened.
He never tried to sleep with me again.

anonymous · 10 months ago

i met him when i was three. we were best friends, and i loved him more than anything. he didn't realize he loved me until he found out i was moving away. so we dated. and i loved him still. i think he loved me, i will never be quite sure. and then i left. i moved across the country. and now when i see him, its different. i miss my boyfriend, but even more than that, i miss my best friend.

miles away · 10 months ago

i dig.
i miss my best friend, too.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I never knew that i could find somebody that would love me until i met him. everything was right for so long. then everything started to change. we started to change. we started to fight over everything that we used to love about eachother months before. We broke up before but this time was the real thing. it was over. now im left with so many questions that i need answerd.

My hopes held low · 10 months ago

My heart stung. My fists clenched. My tears streamed down. The anger and utter confusion built up inside.

He was intelligent, adorable, kind, and special; every girls 'dream boy.' On top of his good nature, he was talented. And I mean TALENTED. Although his talent is not the point, I feel that it is pretty important. I met him that Saturday. It was simply wonderful. I saw him again after that. And again. And once more after that. Things were amazing, until he stopped calling. He so suddenly seemed uninterested. I waited and waited, such a confused, yet hopeful and stupid teenage girl. The impulse took over, and I decided to confront him. When I did, I learned that he had gotten back together with his old girlfriend. Now this particular information is not necessarily bad, however when hearing it, I did not know how or what to feel. All I remember were the tears and frustration. How I waited for him and his call, all for nothing. I wasted my time on someone so unworthy. I developed an particular attitude towards guys and relationships in general. "What is the point?" I would ask myself. There is none. No point at all in making an effort to develop some sort of relationship. Because it is not what guys want. We all know that...
Now, I understand how sill and disconnected my thoughts were prior to what actually happened with this guy.
But it is the way I deal, and always will.
And it somehow tends to be my fault all of the time.

But now it is over.

anonymous · 10 months ago

i am afraid of love. it's complicated. it is the most amazing feeling ever, and then, during any moment, after seconds or after years, it can be taken from you. i am afraid of love, and i avoid it, because losing love is worse than death.

earlier in the year i went to a concert. i had gone with friends but within moments of the first song, we lost each other in a sea of people. i found myself, weightless with elation, dancing with this boy. through the concert, we found ourselves laughing and dancing, completely lost in this melodic bliss. through the happy songs we danced gleefully together, and through the sad songs, we held on to each other desperately. during one song in particular, a love song, he held me tight, looked me in the eyes, and kissed me. we stayed together the entire night, and at the end, he kissed me on the forehead and said goodbye.

it was the first time i wasn't afraid of what i felt. it wasn't complicated at all. it was love. and i have no idea who he is, but i know that he will remember me. because for those few hours, we shared everything together. and i know, that if we're supposed to be together, we'll find each other again. this is what love is all about.

emily · 10 months ago

in sophmore year we had 3 classes in a row we became friends, he was quiet, didn't really flirt, but i swear that's when it all started we flirted in our own awkward way. the next year we had one class together and we would always look at each other during class, make eye contact smile and look away. sometimes we would chat on the way out of class or text every once in a while but that was it. i knew i always had a little crush on him. then this past summer we both went on a class trip to paris for a week. i thought that maybe we'd hook up while we were there but i wasn't expecting too much he was a quiet guy not one to go after someone. we ended up spending the entire trip together and it was a blast, finally the night before we left we hooked up and i was so happy i liked him so much. we held hands the next day and sat next to each other on the plane ride home, i slept on his shoulder. we kept the relationship through the summer and he became my first real boyfriend. i could never figure him out so i had a little trouble understanding him and opening up, really getting close to him maybe it was just lust but i thought maybe he wasn't the kind to open up easily. it was a lot of fun hanging out together through the summer. then the first week of school he started acting weird so i asked what was up he simply said that he didn't think a relationship was right for him (in a text) i didn't really know what else to say, i was just glad to know why he was acting weird so i just said ok and it was over. now all i wish was that we were friends like we were before we dated. i still have a spot in my heart for him, he is damn sexy ;) and when it all comes down to it we will always have Paris and that summer, maybe in 5 years we will run into each other and we can try it again. but for now i just wish things were different.

FML · 10 months ago

So yeah i was with this guy for the summer. He was amazing. I loved him soooooo much that i lived with him for a couple weeks. His parents grew to love me because they woke up to me in his bed every morning. I did everything for him. He made me his little robot and anything he said do i would do. I even gave him a blow job in front of his Step dad ( yeah i know pretty gross). But anyway he was like the love of my life. The sex was amazing even though he wasn't.. well you know blessed. But whatever that not everything. He tried to make me a prostitute and like pimp me out legit to his friends. He told me if i loved him i would "make this money" for him. I never did it but it is always i the back of my head. He moved away and we talked everyday on the phone. Sometimes he would verbally abuse me. Although he is miles away from me, he still has a control over me that i can't explain. But i love him. F.M.L.

FML · 10 months ago

I am afraid of leaving people because i love the idea of a boyfriend. I feel i need to be with someone to truly be happy. when im nt i am miserable

Anonymous · 10 months ago

'Love like you've never been hurt". This quote kills me because to me it just means that eventually all love, no matter how great, will end in pain.

boys are stupid · 10 months ago

You dumb bitch. I know you love me. it's okay, I'll wait.

ANONYMOUSS · 10 months ago

The night before, you couldn't keep your hands off me. (Not as dirty as I'm sure everyone is thinking!!) But the next morning when you dropped me off at my house, I leaned in to kiss you. You leaned in to hug me. Awkward would be an understatement.

wow · 10 months ago

there's a poem up there that tells this exact story. crazy how much this happens.

ANONYMOUS · 10 months ago

Every time I start getting with a guy I like, I become too scared to handle a relationship and I call it off before anything can really happen. I so scared I will never open up and will be alone for the rest of my life.

anonymous · 10 months ago

exactly.

Maura · 10 months ago

"I love ice cream."..."I love my sister."..."I love the guy who just confirmed our "In a Relationship' Facebook status."..."I love my ex-husband."..."I love heroin."..."I love snow days."..."I love Jesus."

I don't believe in the word, "love". Clearly, it doesn't mean anything, and it means too much.

I do believe in indulgence; in companionship; in excitement; in longing; in highs and lows; in surprises; in faith.

People say they "love" some things or some people since they can learn to talk; it takes a lifetime to know what love is. It takes until after a lifetime to really learn true, bonafide, uninhibited, all powerful love.

Luckily, I have a varied vocabulary. I'll find other words until then.

cmarlett · 10 months ago

A Tribute To No One
In all my life I’d never seen so much dew.
It fogged up the windows and ran in little rivers of droplets over the back window of the car. The air was chilly and moist, even inside, and when I breathed, a small puff of steam came out of my mouth. He was still asleep, and the rhythmic up-and-down motion of his chest punctuated the dull throbbing inside my head. What a hangover. I looked up and saw a thousand little pools of water and then I looked down and saw his face and it was damn beautiful.
Then I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my dull, bloodshot eyes and my acrid, chapped lips. Not so much.
We didn’t have sex. The gossip mills say we did, and the 10,000 books written on the habits and feelings of teenagers say we probably did, and maybe we should have. And we could have. But we didn’t.
Regardless. Here we were. Your quietly, mundanely beautiful eyes closed, covered with a thick coat of dark lashes. You had ethnic blood in you, Mediterranean, like mine. You lived in a small apartment with your mother and father and brother and your little sister with the curly hair. Every day I wondered how many people looked at you and didn’t know that you had a sister. I wondered how many people from our school drove by those apartments every day, never knowing or caring that you lived there. I thought of when my friends and I used to smoke cigarettes in the courtyard of your building, long before I knew who you were. I would think about stupid little details like these, and drink them in, and stop myself from smiling because I didn’t want people to ask what I was smiling about.
I lived off of those details, even more than I lived off of the way your tongue felt next to mine, and your fingertips on my back, and the shiver of the cold metal bleachers beneath me, and the way I felt inside when you told me that my hair looked beautiful. I still can’t forget the night when you left, the way you said “I’m sorry”, and “are you sure you’ll get home OK?", and the sweet look you always used to save just for me, when I knew I was seeing it for the last time.
You must’ve been damn cold in that car. You were always cold, and on that day you were wearing shorts. I felt your legs shivering beside my own, and cursed myself for being so stupid and reckless and lonely. And as your eyes began to flicker awake, I wiped away my foggy breath on the windshield, turned my face away from yours, and waited for the sun to rise.

so so so much · 10 months ago

I HATE HIM.

... · 10 months ago

I LOVE YOU, DUMBASS.

pumpkin · 10 months ago

I'm scared I've found the one. We've been together for a little over 9 months now and I can't describe how much I've fallen for him. He's so perfect in every way. Here is the card he gave me this Christmas:

I tried writing a letter to you, but I couldn't fully express how I felt. I decided the best way would be to let you see how I feel about you in its rawest form: attached is an excerpt from my journal. I hope it does justice to how much I love you. Merry Christmas.

Ever since I can remember I have been an independent person. I walked to school and rode my bike alone at age 7. I stayed home at age 10. And as I got older I found that I could rely on myself for most anything when it came to emotional needs. I used writing as my outlet to express myself, and assumed that as long as I had that resource, I needed no one else. Naturally, I assumed that because I could express myself privately, that any sign of public emotion or vulnerability was a sign of inadequacy. After meeting *****, it has become clear to me now how wrong I was. Writing is an excellent form of expression, but without the help of another person how could I ever truly make sense of those thoughts? In simpler terms, while she has let me learn from her the value of camaraderie over independence, she has helped me learn myself how refreshing and how vital to self-reflection and discovery sharing my feelings with her has been. She is the only person, save maybe my mom, who I know I can feel and outwardly express the full range of emotions that I experience at any give time and be completely safe in doing so. With her I feel exposed but comfortable, I love every second but look forward to a bright future, I can be goofy at times, but tell her my most intimate feelings and philosophies at others. Most notable of anything I feel with her, is love. It's that feeling that makes my heart skip when she texts me, that makes my neck tingle when I meet her eyes. It's that pain in every part of my being when I'm not with her that highlights how deeply, passionately in love with her I am, on the deepest level of which I am capable. I could write volumes about how I feel about her and it would barely scratch the surface. Even more exciting than loving her now, is the fact that every time I see her I catch myself loving her more and more. Hours go by like minutes, and every time I leave I want her more. To her I am truly addicted, I love her with all of my heart.

Every time I read this, I cry. I believe I am the luckiest girl alive. I am so lucky to have found someone like him already. But it scares me how much I already have to lose.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

Well, I don't have a lot of stories. Most of my romantic--whats, exactly?-- have been pretty one-sided. There's a song that goes:

"Well it won't get any easier now that your heart is beating in my hand
And I'll try not to destroy you, baby, even though we both know I can".

I was afraid of actually making myself vulnerable, a fear I hid in fears of hurting the other person. Plus, I hadn't really encountered anyone I wanted to be with that much.

Until I finally fell-- hard-- for the boy who was probably my best friend on the planet. He was (is) amazing and I thought he understood me through and through. He'd admitted, in his awkward way, to liking me a few months earlier, so I thought maybe we could have something. But I'd waited too long. He didn't feel the same way anymore. We were together for just a little while--mostly because he was too conflict-averse to admit his feelings or lack thereof--but I thought it was real, I acted as though it were real, and when we broke up it hurt. Really hurt. Hurt more than I could understand: I knew he cared about me as a person, knew I cared about him as a person, knew we'd broken up in an almost ridiculously civil way. But my thoughtful detachment, my attempts to rationalize my feelings away, were basically worthless. I'd met a problem I just flat-out couldn't think my way through.

That's what's so simultaneously scary and intoxicating about love, I guess: it's not rational, it's not intellectual, it comes from the animal part of being human. When you're not used to experiencing things without thinking about them first, it can blindside you.

But don't worry too much about me. I got over it in two weeks or so. It was a training-wheels relationship. Now I'm ready to move on to the big-girl bike-- the one with the handlebar streamers.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

i love this story, I think every girl has a training relationship. And they always fall hard, because I've been there and done that too.

anonymous · 10 months ago

All I want is to fall in love and be swept off my feet... IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK!?!

fact · 10 months ago

The love of my life is ugly!

Middle School Crush · 10 months ago

So, this story takes place in middle school. I know children are pretty awful in middle school, but this just takes the cake. My first love happened in second grade. I loved him more and more all through elementary school and into middle school. We were the boy and girl who were constantly fighting with each other, all through those years. My parents knew his parents and they would joke about us getting married and that our fighting would subside eventually when we grew up. Not so much.

Half way through seventh grade I moved away, the the entire grade (there was only 40 of us) wrote short little letters to me in a book. His letter was short but sweet and had a little heart at the end of it, and like every other girl in love I obsessed over it. The beginning of my eighth grade year I started talking to him online, and soon we were talking every night for hours and hours. One night my parents told me we were moving back in two weeks and I decided that I was going to tell him how I feel, it was now or never. So when he got online that night I told him that I would be coming back in two weeks (he was overjoyed by that), and that I really really liked him and wanted to date. His response to that was signing off online.

I waited every night before I came back for him to go online, and he was never there. When I entered my old middle school and went to my new homeroom, who was I sitting next to? Him, of course him. But as I walked to my seat the entire class started to giggle, and this just kept happening for weeks. One day I was eating lunch with a friend of mine from the same homeroom and asked when everyone giggle those first few weeks. She looked suprized and said, "You didn't know? You know how you like (him), and told him online? Well he printed out the conversation and passed it around the class, we all got a good laugh out of it."

I immediately tracked him down, and that was the only time I have ever kicked a boy in the balls. By the way it is totally worth it.

dsaasd · 10 months ago

good for you!!

i hate complicated shit · 10 months ago

We saw each other basically everyday, after school when it was cold for two years. Even Saturdays form early in the morning to late in the afternoon, we were in each others presence. I was quiet, never said anything because i was intimidated by upperclassmen. He had an odd personality.
The first year, on valentines day, he hugged me for two seconds, and then went on his merry little way. The hug was weird, because he was kind of short, but mostly because not that many people hug me. I'm not a "hug" kind of person....most of the time. I didn't know how to react, so I didn't.
He was always smiling, i rarely smile. People said we completed the balance of the universe. We also seemed to have similar obsessions when it came to junk food, for we both love to gorge ourselves on food highly concentrated in sugar and ice cream. The second year, I started to have odd feelings for him. Why the hell did give a shit about someone who wasn't me !? My heart skipped a beat every time he looked at me, and it freaked me out. I finally told a common friend that I liked him, yet she wasn't too surprised, for she, and may others had seen it coming. She confirmed that he too liked me, but didn't have the guts to approach me.
So i waited. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, until i nearly went crazy with anticipation. Then our mutual friend came up to me and started telling me how I was better then him, and I didn't a guy like him. Apparently he had come to the conclusion that I was"too smart" and "not girly enough".


I saw him a year later. I was ten pounds lighter, and he 30 pounds heavier, definitely a confidence booster. But when we stared talking, I realized I didn't hate him. In fact we were talking and joking around like nothing ever happened. I realized it was not him but me. I am always up tight, and I never seem to let go, and until I learn how to have a good time with out logic getting in the way, I will be doomed to repeat the past.

Damn! it was so much easier when he was an a**hole, and I was the victim. But i guess the easy way is not always the right way.

anonymous · 10 months ago

You first got me with your smile
and your stories of your other life
i let you come over
just us, all alone
i thought i knew what i wanted and when to say no

you knew how to get to me
you called me beautiful
i protested
you repeated it and i was gone.
i couldnt resist giving you what you asked for

later.
despite having convinced myself that you did what you did cause you liked me
i felt used, used, used up
and so i curled up and hugged my self.

anonymous · 10 months ago

you were lying with your head nuzzling my bare breasts
silence in the still dark
so i asked you: what are you thinking about?
"your boobs"

anonymous · 10 months ago

I had never had a boyfriend, never been kissed or touched or adored.
until i met him on my trip that summer. two summers ago, it seems so long ago yet also so short. nowadays hes had a girlfriend for a year and a half. shes pretty.
but i have my memories:
you always make me at ease, hold my hand, look me in the eye and kiss me gently. Never abusive or demanding. always sweet, and warm like teh summer days. we werent perfect by any means, we had awkward, troublesome times. but with you it was always a little joke between us, a little smile we shared.
i think it comes from living together 24/7, if we were seperated for a couple of hours it would only invigorate his feelings. he would ravenously set eyes on me, i knew he had missed me.

He taught me everything, we started from scratch. Even though he taught me, he always found anything i did to him incredibly sexy, as if i had come up with it on my own.

I havent talked to him for over a year but i have my memories.
of a perfect month, hand in hand he was mine and i was his. and it was as simple as that, no labels or pressumptions.
I miss that sweet simplicity.

anonymous · 10 months ago

I could never really tell if i liked him. but i also knew i did, why else then would i follow all those subtle paths; searching for him in the halls, thinking of him as i lay awake in bed, hope to dream about him, imagine everything i could say to him and promise myself i will, then of course never follow through. Stalk him on facebook, stay on for hours just becuase hes on facebook chat, blush and speed up nervously when we wave to each other in the hallway, get my friend to invite him to hang out as an excuse, light up when he texts me, then spend hours hoping for a text, smile when he brings me cupcakes.
i think im attracted to the idea of him, the idea of his attraction to me
i want him to hug me from behind, and kiss my neck, and look me in the eyes. i just want an eskimo kiss and a smile, some cuddling and reassurance. But what do i talk to him aobut? i feel like we have nothing in common but the attraction. is it enough?

anonymous · 10 months ago

I hate casual dating.
You never know if he'll call again and ask you to "hang out"
you never know how much he cares
you never know if he thinks about you or he takes you for granted
you never know if you are anything to him, if you are any part of him or if you have any claim

All i want is you. Not just on saturday nights for a few hours. But every night, every day, i want to be a part of you you can't live without

anonymous · 10 months ago

Mystery Man: Mystery Night- A haiku

Where did my clothes go?

Get me another beer, please.

What's your name, again?

Completely destroyed · 10 months ago

It was at camp 3 summers ago. I was sitting outside under the warm sun, enjoying my first few hours in Vermont. Speculating about the other campers, my attention was suddenly drawn to the first car that pulled into the parking lot. After the dust settled from the dirt road, a boy, around the age of 17, stepped out. I chuckled at first, for he was wearing a ridiculous red and blue exercise shirt. But I was kept a gaze by his tall build and muscular body. Smiling, he introduced himself to me as the “intern”, and I was taken a back immediately. For I was in love, and I knew, at that moment, that he was the one.

The entire week, we spent every moment together. Every meal, every minute of free time. He was intelligent and hardworking. The strongest athlete I had ever met, and for that reason, I had an incredible amount of respect for him. As the week progressed, I tried to maximize my time with him, for I knew our time together was coming to an end. We spent our last night underneath the stars, as I accepted that fact that this was our last moment together.

The next morning I left early for the airport. I didn’t have to opportunity to say goodbye to him, and as the camp shrank in the distance, I realized that I would never see him again. Flying home, 33,000 feet in the air, I stared in to the sky. The sky—the thing we shared so honestly together the day before was now the thing preventing us from ever seeing each other again.


I was in love, he had no idea, and I had lost my only chance to tell him.

This was 2 years ago. I still feel the same way. He still doesn't know. I can't get myself to tell him. But I don't go a day without thinking about him.

A tragedy · 10 months ago

Dear Ex-Friend,

I never liked you, I was never attracted to you, I never wanted to be your girlfriend. I hooked up with you that one night for one reason only: our friendship was falling apart, and I thought that was the only thing that could save it. I thought if I gave you what you wanted that everything would be alright-- I'd be your special girl and you'd be my protector; we'd share intimate secrets through eye contact across the lunch table that lasted a little bit too long.
I thought it would fix it all, but I was wrong. Now you're cocky. Do you think you're better than me? Rejecting me with one-word texts, calling me out on every little thing, treating me like your immature kid sister, cracking rude comments-- who do you think you are? Do you even know how much this hurts?
I never loved you. So why does this upset me? You literally disgust me, and I can hardly look at you. So why does my heart beat faster when I think about our picnics and old AIM conversations, and the times we smoked under the stars?
Why can't I get over you when you were never even mine?
How can I miss what we never really had?

With regret,
Still your friend. If you want me.

ATTENTION ALL MEN: · 10 months ago

The fact that I make out with you does NOT mean I want you in my pants... so get out of my vagina!!

Kthanx.

<3 · 10 months ago

He told me I was the nicest girl he knew.
We would sit doing homework together everyday.
It may not seem like much, but to fourth grade me it was all I needed to hear.
I was the nicest girl he knew.
And he will always be the nicest boy that I have known.

just ONE · 10 months ago

You never smile at me.
You laugh when I fall
Smirk when I slip-up
But you never smile at me.

You could say something nice every now and again.
Something just a tiny bit personal
I'm fine thanks. How are you? That's not a conversation.
You're not perfect either.

Virgin Lips · 10 months ago

I’m seventeen years old and I’ve never been kissed. I don’t know how it happened, it just did. My lack of confidence and shyness have(clearly) had a serious impact on my kissing experience. This pathetic fact use to upset me, it still does, but not nearly as much as it used to. Yes, this is unordinary and embarrassing, but as cheesey as it sounds, it will (hopefully) be worth the (unplanned)wait.

glljkasd · 10 months ago

don't feel alone. i promise ur not the only one. it upsets me terribly that in society there is so much pressure for people to hook up and such. really, there's no need. when you really want to, you will.

unkissed · 10 months ago

You're not alone. I'm also 17, and I too have never been kissed. I did have the chance once, but it just didn't feel right. I'm waiting for the perfect guy and the perfect moment. I'll know what to do when that moment comes. I think it will definitely be worth the wait.

anonymous · 10 months ago

I am in the same situation and I blame myself constantly. Never ever blame yourself! You have to know it's not your fault as hard as that may be to understand. I try to keep my chin up too, you're not alone.

anonymous2 · 10 months ago

I never told you I loved you, although I'm sure you sensed it. and if I told you right now, I'm sure you wouldn't care. so why do i still feel i need to tell you? like you deserve to know...

boys are stupid · 10 months ago

word.

Complacent Cynic · 10 months ago

i always say that when it comes time for me to get married, i'm going to have big problems because i was raised on romance movies where the best friend, or the girl who has struggled with the most personal problems, or the imperfect low maintenence girl always gets the guy. and of course when i was younger i adored fairy tales, and the glistening happy endings with the princess drawn into the arms of the strong yet sympathetic prince. needless to say, i have highly unrealistic ideas about love. i've also never had a boyfriend, while boys are practically pouring over many of my friends. i'm done asking what's wrong with me, and feeling sorry for myself...i feel like it's not worth it. i'm not waiting for a date, and i'm not waiting for a crush...i'm waiting for that one imperfect guy who can appreciate me as much as i appreciate him. equally in love.
when i fell for my friend i was never really surprised, because he tells me everything, even stuff i resent, and i feel comfortable telling him things. usually i'm attracted to people i can talk to. nevertheless, all this talking was being done online, and in person, the way he treated me wasn't consistently nice; he didn't treat me kindly, like he treated a lot of other people, especially the girl friends who i knew he found attractive. so even though we were getting closer by the conversation, i pretty much figured that all bets were off, and managed to convince myself that he was totally wrong for me. unfortunately for my sanity, friends started telling me that they thought he and i were dating, which was much too nice to hear, and he started to treat me well outside of the computer, making me feel closer to him and farther from the "getting over it" stage.
anyway, to make a boring and long story short, the other day he told me how he was "having a thing" with another girl. i really wasn't surprised, and i really wasn't that torn up. i guess i never really expected anything at all to happen. but he told me how surprised he was that they had gotten together, and how great it felt being there for her when she needed him, and i realized that in this romance story, i wasn't the struggling, imperfect best friend...she was. and i realized that i have never been the struggling, imperfect best friend to anyone, except to myself. so this story doesn't end in friendship, swooning romance, or even devastating embarrassment; it just ends with the realization that my life is never going to be like a movie or a fairy tale. my friend taught me that life is life; he taught me that all i have is the unknowable void of fate, not a promise of a princess-pink happy ending. so as my friends swoon over their new crushes, i will know that i'm going to have to wait for love, and work for it when i need to and when it's worth it. and maybe one day it'll happen. maybe one day that cliche lurking in my dreams will come true, and all will be well, and i can kiss my drooping cynicism good-bye.

love · 10 months ago

Thank you.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I feel like I should be furious at you, but I can't be because in the end, it was my decision. You knew I would say yes, so you took advantage of the opportunity. You planned the whole thing. And then you manipulated me into doing what you wanted. I went along with it, and I got it after a while and I still didn't say no. I hate how I was used because I'm prude, ignorant and naive. But I think because it was you, because I liked you so much, it was different. I was mesmerized. It was surreal to me. And so I went along with it just like you planned.

I was willing to do it because I have so little self-confidence; I was surprised and amazed that someone wanted me and thought I was good enough. And honestly, its one of the only times I've felt good about my body.

I don't hate you, I know that you're a guy, and every guy has some of this in them. I have no guy friends and you have many girl friends so you are a lot more important to me than I am to you. And I have to get over it. But I am so used to liking you that even though I think you're an ass, I still believe you're a decent person, as hypocritical as that sounds. I want to be friends with you and I know I shouldn't even care.

If you were really my friend why would you risk our friendship like that? Are you that desperate? And I am left wondering when we stopped being friends, if we were ever friends, and when it just turned into you using me.

Why is it that after not seeing you for three months and convincing myself that I hated you, the moment I saw you again, I started to like you again? I want to talk to you for real and ask you these questions but I know I won't have the guts. I want to convince you that I don't like you so we can just be friends.
you that I don't like you so we can just be friends.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

wait...did i write this.
story of my life babe.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

First there was the 12 year-old, puppy dog-eyed redhead. It was the summertime, I was entering middle school, and I was eager to return home with stories of my maturation; so I let him follow me around and touch my boobs. I did indeed return home with long-winded tales of my first kiss in a movie theater and his wandering paws, but embellished them a bit with the words "totally in love" and "my dream guy".

Then, there was the real thing. As far as I can tell, anyway. I admired him because he smoked cigarettes and didn't lie to his parents. He had a car and knew how to talk to girls. I wish there were some heavier reasons I fell in love with him, but in my 20/20 hindsight the reason was simply convenience. I hope that's not me being bitter about the whole thing, because I don't doubt that he really was the first boy I ever fell in love with. Anyway, that love lasted us until our breaking point which was a foreign country 14 hours away and his graduation from high school (2 years later). Not to sound melodramatic, but I will always owe him for what that heartbreak left me with: the understanding that love is worth it. It's worth a few bad days, or even a very messy breakup, because what you're left with is more growth than you can find anywhere else. That relationship taught me that even the most indestructible things can go sour. So if you're having a good time with someone the most important thing to do is to ignore doubt or anxiety about the future, if only for one date or one month or one year and a half.

Currently, there's the huge adventure of getting to discover yet another awesome guy. This is probably the riskiest relationship I could have possibly chosen to pursue, but maybe that's why it's so much fun right now. This is definitely the best part. The first dates and first kisses and first "i love you"s, i mean. Although we are both very dubious about the future (because of our very tricky situation), we are also both the kind of people who can revel in the present. I have made the conscious decision to become completely emotionally invested in this person and knock down any secret defenses I may be harboring in order to get the most out of right now. Everyone wants to share themselves with someone, and as long as this amazing person thinks I'm amazing, I will be wearing my heart on my sleeve for as long as I can.

dude! · 10 months ago

i WISH i had that confidence!

pathetic story · 10 months ago

i was hooking up with a guy for months. and months.... and months. neither of us really wanted the title of girlfriend boyfriend cause of the strain that puts on things, so we just kept it cool. im not the jealous type so i had no problem with him talking to other girls, but as time went on, we acted like we were in a relationship and i tricked myself into thinking we were. we talked on the phone every night, hung out whenever we could, and did a lot more physically then i would do with someone i was just casually hooking up with. when summer came and i left to work at a summer camp for a month, i came home and he was in a relationship on facebook. i was surprised and guessed he missed me and decided to make it official. ( yes, you do know how this is going to turn out.) and so i called him. to no answer. a couple of days later i texted him before i went on a trip up north to hike and told him to call me. of course he didnt. and then when i checked my facebook, the relationship was with some other chick. i was hurt because we had been acting like we were together for a while. also, when we met i asked him about all the rumors that he was a player, and get this, he said it would be 'different' with me. likely. it all proved to be true. when i finally forgave him we started to be friends again, hung out and hooked up, then i realized that i was over him. i felt so empowered. weeks went by and i started to miss him. inevitably we started to talk about his girlfriend and my boyfriend. he ended it with her, i ended it with my current boyfriend, and we talked more and more." i won't let myself get into this again", i promised myself. By the time i felt as if he was calling too much, and we were texting too often, i completely ignored him. that happened a couple of times but i never felt feelings for him again. Ive dated and hooked up since him, probably too much for spite. Now i am dating a boy who i truly like, and am completely preoccupied with school/ sports all the time. and it is just when my life is so busy that i realized that i was naive enough to put myself in that weak position, and think of Nick* as my only regret.

anonymous · 10 months ago

I always set myself up to like boys who I can't have. Usually, boys who have girlfriends. I don't know why I do it, I think maybe I'm afraid of rejection. If I like someone who is unobtainable then I can't get hurt. It would be nice to have a guy who wanted me, but it's just easier to like someone who already likes someone else. That way I know why they don't like me.

boys are stupid · 10 months ago

word.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years. I cheated on him over a year ago and had to have an abortion. I told him it was his baby...it wasn't.
I wish I could come clean an tell him the truth, but this lie brought us closer together than ever and strengthened our trust for one another.
We plan on getting married next Spring.

anonymous · 10 months ago

I hooked up with this senior for about two weekends. It was Friday before his prom, we hooked up and I left unsure about how I felt about him but still thought that we would probably hookup again. I didn't know if I actually liked him, but he was nice so it was all good. His prom date was one of his best friends, I wasn't worried but I figured they would probably hookup, I mean it's prom. Then, Wednesday of the next week I see on facebook that he's in a relationship with her. What the fuck. I mean I know I had no claim over him, but he at least could have told me. About a month later we were at a party and I finally confronted him. He said that he didn't know what do or what to tell me, and a relationship with her seemed like the only possibility after they hooked-up. About ten minutes after our conversation I get a text from him (even though he's standing about ten feet away from me)...they just broke up. Again I think, what the fuck. Why do boys think they can everything they want? Well, I wasn't just going to give in and hookup with him again. So, I did what any self-respecting girl would do, I hooked-up with his best friend.

anonymous · 10 months ago

you go girl!

anonymous · 10 months ago

agreed

Anonymous · 10 months ago

ahahahah nice

i wish we were friends · 10 months ago

I wish that you hadn't been my first good guy friend. I wish that before you I had known boys who were normal, who I could really become close to. I wish that you hadn't been so amazing and wonderful. Maybe, maybe if all those things hadn't been true, we could be friends now.
But they're all true. And even though you were only a little misleading, even though its my fault, even though I only wanted to drop everything for you for two and a half years, we can't be friends. Because I could never tell anyone how crazy I was about you. And I wanted to stop liking you so bad so that I wouldn't be so damned awkward. Cuz you're amazing. But it hurt so bad everytime we stopped talking, and I didn't understand what you did or who you were friends with or who you were. And you confused the hell out of me.
So we can't be friends ever, because I can never be just friends with you. I love talking to you and I miss you so damned much. But you can't be a part of my life, because I'll always need to prove something to you. And I just can't care about you again. It took too long to forget.
I'm sorry and you're amazing. But you were my first guy friend. And I just didn't understand.

Desperate · 10 months ago

We are PERFECT for each other.
Now, why can't you see that!?

behind the mask · 10 months ago

Looking back on that time and place
Seeing a lonely and confused face
He was once so nice, never did lay a hand
But that soon changed and I could barely stand

His fingers balled up into a fist
His face contorted like he’s pissed
There was no way out, no escape
His future actions I could anticipate

When morning finally came I hope he is gone
For the pain he has caused cannot be undone

The bumps and bruises must all be hidden
For this type of behavior is surely forbidden
If you ask me why I wouldn’t leave him
It’s because I wanted my secret to stay hidden

I hid my struggles deep within
Deep down underneath my skin
Nobody knew what I was holding back
I hid the pain well behind my “mask”

But bearing this burden took a toll on me
And I finally realized I needed to break free

I did what I thought would help me succeed
To take back control with the utmost speed
I’m finally free, finally on my own
Not dealing with the hatred he had always shown

I’m happy and proud and have found my self-respect
I never would have guessed my present could be so perfect
Now I’m looking back on that time and place
Seeing a lonely and confused face

anonymous · 10 months ago

I think its a problem that I tend to hook up with people because its funny, not because I like them, but I think really, I am just the most insecure person ever, and I cannot let myself admit how much I like the person I really do. So instead, i just laugh about people, and tell stories, because I know I cannot get emotionally invested in anyone, because I know I will end up being the one who gets hurt.
In truth, there is definitely someone. He has no idea, or at least not that I know of, but he is right there, all the time. Next to me in three classes. We talk on the phone every day. Really, i think it has been like this since eighth grade, but who knows for certain. We tell each other everything, and even though I am not his, he is probably my best friend, and more than anything, I hate the fact that I like him as much as I do. I know its stupid, and nothing can ever come of it.
I threw up after I found out who he hooked up with on New Years Eve. I told him it was probably just a stomach virus.

anonymous · 10 months ago

He has no idea how much he means to me. And I don't think he ever will. I don't think he could.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I honestly don't understand how he is so oblivious. Its so frustrating to see the effort I put out to get his attention, make him laugh, and flirt all go to nothing. I've heard from my friends that he is a strange boy and doesn't really pick up on those signals. I thought I would be different and maybe break this mold. This boy is seriously flirtatiously challenged. It is hard for me because I have feelings for him and all I want is a sign. Maybe I'm too persistent and there have been signs, and dare I say it "he just isn't into me", but because he is a special case I can't tell. There is a part of me that does believe that he is interested in me and he is too shy to make a move. We catch each others glances and smiles during class and constantly banter. I want to give up so badly, and just move on and forget about him, but every time I see him or talk to him I'm right back where I started...down right crushing. I'm not even sure what I like about him, yes he is kind, but sometimes I get a douche-baggy vibe, he has a good sense of humor, although it sometimes crosses the line to plain bathroom jokes, he is attractive, but can't dress if his life depended on it, and I don't even know if he would open up to me. I am seriously confused and have never been in a funk quite like this.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I just love kissing. Pure, wild, beautiful, meaningless kissing. I have never been in a serious relationship; in fact, only one guy has been more than a one-time thing. I would not consider myself a slut, because I usually don’t go past that. I simply find incredible joy with touching my lips to a boy’s and feeling that jolt of energy. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter if I know him or not. The most amazing part is that moment of uncertainty right before the kiss. Unsure of what may happen next, your eyes close as you lean in while your mouth opens with excitement. You feel like you want to smile or laugh uncontrollably, but before you can even try to control your face, your lips meet.
While most of my encounters with the opposite sex have been awkward and sometimes completely terrible, one strikes me as being particularly nice, still in an awkward way. It started with a drinking game that somehow ended up causing everyone to strip to their underwear. He was a mutual friend who went to boarding school and we had never met before. Someone dared me to hook up with another guy, and then the kid from boarding school grabbed my hand and said, “No don’t leave me.” I promised him that I would be back. I gave the other boy a peck on the lips, then walked back over to him, sat on his lap, and just started making out with him in the middle of my friend’s living room. There we were, two perfect strangers in our underwear making out with everyone else watching. We continued kissing the whole night, and he didn’t even try to go to any further. It meant nothing, but we both got plenty of those wonderful moments leaning in. For me it was nearly perfect. It was the kind of kiss that sucks you in, and you grab onto his hair, not because you are trying to be sexy, but because you just want to grab him and stabilize yourself. The whole thing was rather odd, especially since we were not even that drunk, and I would never consider getting with him again. Still, I find a strange beauty in the situation. We were who ever we wanted each other to be. Maybe one day I’ll get to kiss someone and really mean it, and I will want to kiss him over and over and over again. But until then, I am perfectly happy with the ever-increasing amount of random encounters that I keep in the back of my mind, because I just love kissing.

b/c this would happen to me · 10 months ago

This is a letter I wrote in 19th grade to someone that I used to have very deep and sincerely feelings about and who because of the incidents described I am meerly indifferent to today. Let me say that hell hath no fury like a hormonal 10th grade girl, scorned.


A Letter to Senor Douche Bag -
What the fuck were you thinking? You are such a fucking rude son of a bitch. You have no clue how to treat people. I can't believe you actually select a few people who you like and treat everyone else like crap. How the fuck would you feel if someone had the power to torture you all the time? You have no right to do what you have done to me. You have absolutely no right to even come near me. What gives you the right to block me out of a conversation? What gives you the right to do that while I'm talking to a group of friends and you weren't even in the conversation in the first place? What gives you the right to steal my things and give them to other people in order to humiliate me? What gives you the right to laugh in my face because I told you that you didn't have to be responsible for driving me to [practice] that day? Your apology last year apparently was complete bullshit. I gave you another fucking chance because I thought you were just going through a its'-so-cool-to-pretend-to-like-someone-but-really-have-some-weird-vendetta-against-them-and-attempt-to-bring-the-only-things-that-makes-them-happy-come-crashing-down-around-them phase last year. So I gave you another chance, assuming that you had made some sort of weird mistake. But this year turned out to be just as bad as last year. It's people like you who make other people miserable for fun just to see their reaction, thinking that they don't matter. I'm just an anybody to you. To you, I don't have any feeling that matter. Don't I? I'm just not hot enough for you, which explains why you refuse to talk to or hang out with me. You just think I’m a bitch because I got upset with you when you didn't put any effort into a Spanish project that required minimal effort to begin with. Or maybe because I had a crush on you in 8th grade. Or even more ridiculous than that is the possibility that you're pissed at me because I have more friends in my life who mean a lot more to me than in yours. You want to ruin that because in your twisted mind, I was the reason you and ********* broke up. You seem to want to get back at me for stupid reasons that are long passed. You actually think it's funny to fuck around with other people’s lives. Tell them and treat them like crap. What gave you the almighty power to be an asshole to everyone and still expect people to worship you for being some sort of [athletic] god? You are so full of yourself and think you're such hot shit. You're an asshole and need to get over yourself enough to realize the reason that you always feel left out and like you don't fit in is because you alienate yourself. This is why you have a whole group of people who despise you. You got what you wanted I guess. Everyone talks about you and you have some friends in an inside circle, that everyone on the outside wants to be in. I hope you all get mono. Well pretty soon others are going to realize that no one should treat others the way you treat people. Your supposed best friends have no respect for you. Your own mother thinks you're a jerk. I hate you. I can't believe you of all people could go from being a nice boy to a complete jackass in the course of a few months. You make an ass out of yourself and it somehow makes you cool? Hey asshole...remind me how negative attention is better than being nice to people and making friends that way. You are a conniving son of a bitch and I wish that everyone could see it. You can't stand the thought of anyone but those who you hand pick could possibly be people who you care about even a little bit. It's preposterous that you hate ****** because you think he's gay and he's getting better at [*sport] and that he's challenging you for a [position] in the so called good [squad]. Most of the sophmore guys are talent-less and won't make it very far anyway. It would be better if you got the fuck off the team so I didn't have to see your stupid fucking face everyday. You disgust me as a human being and i hope that one day you get the crap beaten out of you so hard that you remember how you treated everyone during your "cool" stage. I hope you feel more pain when you realize you made them so depressed and suicidal. You stupid bag of douche.

Sincerely,
Me

PS. *Phillipe might be the sweetest person I have ever known. When I was upset about you, Senor Douche Bag, he had this to remind me - Phillipe, "hope you feel better. but remember that no matter what anyone else tells you, you are beautiful and have an amazing personality and if the douche bag can't tell then he's not worth it."

xoxo07 · 10 months ago

i had been best friends with my boyfriend for a year. at the end of october of this year, he finally convinced me to go out with him. it was a long distance relationship considering i live in south jersey and he lives in brooklyn. we went out for two months. i saw him for thanksgiving and new years.
he broke up with me the day after i went all the way to brooklyn to see him. he didnt even gt up to see me. he slept all day until my call finally woke him up at 7 at night by the time i was already home. we got in a huge fight and he ignored me the next day. the next night, i texted him asking if we should just break up and an hour later he responded yes with a text. he didnt even bother calling or anything, just a text!
i was/ still am, madly in love with him. he came into my life when i was extremely depressed and had a lot going on. i relied on him for my happiness which was a huge mistake. we have been broken up for five weeks now and i still am not over him. when i started gettin over him, i was in his neighboorhood so we decided to hang out. it was a huge mistake because it made me think there was still a chance. i told him i dont want to go out with him again beacuse i dont want to get hurt like his again.
since the day after we hung out, he has been ignoring me, my calls, txt, messages, everything.
i love him to death, and i am never going to be able to get over him.

boy2 · 10 months ago

i've only had three "things" in my entire 18 years of life, people that i've had more than a one time, casual encounter with. Each one of them has proved to disappoint me in the same way. When their feelings started to change, they just stopped talking to me. Boys 1 and 3 were not that serious. They were mostly physical relationships, but it still hurt when they just started to ignore me. What hurt the most, however, was when Boy 2 ended things. I'll start from the beginning...

We met in the early summer. Technically, we worked together, but never the same shift because he was super dedicated to this one sport and it really ate up his time. He was very unique- eccentric, free-spirited, independent and quirky. I was totally into it. I'm pretty much his opposite so i was very intrigued by the differences between us. I expressed my interest to a mutual friend and he was SHOCKED. I guess i wasn't the only one who thought we were really different...The mutual friend gave Boy 2 my number and he texted me that night! I was very excited.

We began texting and it was going well. It was hard to tell if he was into it because he isn't a naturally flirty guy and isn't used to girls coming after him, but our mutual friend assured me that he definitely was. Eventually, we drunkenly hooked up. The day after I left for the beach for a week, but we texted non-stop with him initiating it most of the time.

When i returned from the beach we went on our first real date. It was pretty awkward, but I was definitely still intrigued by this kid. He was so different and exactly what I was looking for. We continued texting and talking and began haninging out a lot. He was pretty romantic. We would go to these parks and just sit and talk, watch DVDs in his room, go into the city and do all kinds of different things i couldnt imagine boy 1 and 3 ever doing with me. He was a breath of fresh air and made me feel comfortable and excited about possibly making this more than a "thing."

Right now he probably sounds like a really great guy, right? Well, he's not. We began to advance physically and for me, that meant I should probably take time to re-evaluate where this thing with Boy 2 was going. I wanted to take things to the next level, but I wanted to know what he wanted without him knowing my thoughts. I decided to IM him one day, figuring that it wouldn't be a big deal and that we'd be on the same page. Boy, was I wrong. Boy 2 served me with a big slap in the face. He told me that he didn't think it was right for the two of us to hook up any more because we had "nothing in common." He thought we had totally different interests, even though i could still give you 10 things we both liked. I was shocked. It was teh last thing i was expecting to hear from him. I knew it ultimately wouldn't work because we go to diffferent schools and run in different crowds, but I thought it was going to be my decision in the end. I accepted what he had to say and basically did a lot of listening. I was speechless.

After a few days of no talking, I decided to write him a letter responding to the "ending" conversation we had. I had done a lot of thinking and had organized my thoughts. I didn't necessarily want him to reconsider his decision, but I wanted to tell him what I had thought of our whole "thing."

About a week later, I was at a party and had gotten no response to my letter (which I sent via fbook message). I was drunk and decided to text the asshole and call him out on his asshole-y behavior. He explained that he meant to respond (riiiight.) and that he was just trying to figure things out. He then went on to tell me that the entire three months we had been together he had been in love with some other girl who had a boyfriend she hated. This hurt the most. I had invested time, smiles and texts in Boy 2 and he had played me for a fool. He claimed he thought it was just going to be a casual thing, but every time he got drunk with me, he would keep hooking up with me. This doesn't explain the multiple SOBER texts, hook-ups and dates, but whatever.

It's been a little bit since Boy 2 broke the news to me and i'd like to say that I don't think of him anymore, but I do. He is the first thing that comes to mind when i watch a certain show we both loved, when i go into the city and when i think of summer. I really thought he was going to be different from all the immature assholes that I've encountered, but really he took the cake. So far he's been my biggest disappointment.

jp · 10 months ago

I'm not really that bad at math,
i just like when you pay attention to me

Disney Princess · 10 months ago

I never thought any would think of me as beautiful until my prince charming came and turned me from Cinderella to a Princess.
now i think i do believe in happily ever after.

how typical. · 10 months ago

He responds to half of my IMs
He answers half my texts
And if I say them loud enough
He laughs at half my jests

He pays me half attention
He never calls me back
I’m on eggshells when I’m around him
In case one of us attacks

We force our conversations
Crack a smile, try to laugh
I ask how gov is going - but I want to say
“Without you in my life, I’m halved”

I guess it’s sort of my fault
We were friends until I choked
I said I didn’t like him
And then his heart, I broke.

But of course I felt the same way
I never could see what I had
He eventually found someone else.
God, that made me feel bad

It stung; I cried, I wanted change
So that’s why I spoke
That boy looked me right in the eyes
And then my heart, he broke.

Alone · 10 months ago

I'm 18 years old.
I have never had a boyfriend.
I have never been on a date.
I have never hooked up with anyone.
The farthest I've ever gone with a guy is holding his hand in a curtain call.

I just want a boy who I call mine and for him to call me his. I want someone who I can kiss passionately; someone who will call me just to hear my voice; someone who I can talk to about anything, and know that he will listen just because he cares about me.

wishing · 10 months ago

amen.

waiting by the phone · 10 months ago

This quote changed my life:

"He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. Once you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life."

So I stopped calling him. And he did.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

The first time I fell for him was in the 10th grade, when we had two classes together. It was more of a little crush, that boy who sits next to you and makes intelligent and nerdy comments about chemical reactions, German philosophy, speech impediments, anything. It wasn't until the next year that we became practically best friends. We talked almost daily, reminiscing back to the year before but also back to elementary school, when we'd played together at recess. I could talk to him about anything, about school work, my boyfriend at the time, wanderlust.

And then, New Year's Eve, it happened. I'd had a bit to drink and soon I was laying on his chest in the dark, staring at the ceiling through the pitch, tracing the lines in his palms. We hadn't done anything really, but I was overjoyed to be so close to him, to have broken through the tension finally. Still tipsy, I asked how long he'd liked me like this. He said it'd had to have been since chemistry class, or maybe it was english. I laughed, clumsily kissed him again and wished him a happy new year.

That was the end of it. Nothing could come of it. He was friends with my ex and another guy who had a thing for me. I didn't want to come between friends. We still talk all the time. He's going to prom with a pretty good friend of mine. She has no idea what happened that night--most people don't. We don't pretend it never happened, but I think we both know the chances of it happening again are slim. Maybe, a few years down the road, things will line up more favorably, and maybe we can laugh about the beautifully awkward years of high school.

sigh · 10 months ago

I clearly know it's wrong in several ways for anything to happen, all the more reason I want it to.

why bother · 10 months ago

okay you fucking asshole.
HERE is what I think of you.
you somehow managed to turn a crush into pure hatred.
you managed to make me apologize when you were clearly the one in the wrong.
you made me feel lame, terrible, and pathetic about what I had done.
you're a cocky asshole who has not earned one ounce of his arrogance.
you were cute until I saw you for the ugly piece of shit you really are.
you hurt me in a way I hadn't yet been hurt.
the worst part is I'm not afraid to tell you this, I'm just afraid you won't care.

anonymous · 9 months ago

took the words right out of my mouth!
i hate how guys think they can do anything...so self impressed and insensitive toward others feelings.

those boys never f*cking care.

Screwed Me Over...Again · 10 months ago

I am slightly invisible to boys. I am not attractive or coveted in any way, and they only want me for their sexual pleasure and nothing more. I am so used to it by now that it does not even surprise me if a boy texts for some "late night fun" as one of them so blatantly put it.

Last fall, junior year, all of this changed when I met him. We had been friends in 8th grade and then just grew apart into different circles of friends. I genuinely adored him, wanted to hang out with him and be with him. I didn't even care if I couldn't have him because just being with him was enough for me. I don't think I had ever laughed that much before we started hanging out. I told my friend that I really liked him and could she help set it up. She said "no problem, I'll be your wingman. More like your wingwoman" and that was that. True to her word she got us together and we went out for a month. I ended up breaking up with him. My friend, (my wingwoman) called me a bitch. She said that I had never deserved him or the happiness he gave me. She said that if it had been her, she would have dumped my ass a while ago and that clearly he lacked much in the self-respect department.

I never told her the reason that we broke up was because of her. Yes, she was my wingman. Yes, she set us up. Yes, she did everything she promised, but when it came time for her to remove herself from the equation she refused. She third-wheeled to the point where I thought I was going out with her instead of him. On top of it, it seemed as if he clearly enjoyed her company more than mine, and thought she was prettier (especially her boobs), and often joked about it. At first I laughed, but it really started to annoy me, and eventually I couldn't stand it; it hurt me.

The best part is that that story wasn't even the first time that my friend has screwed me over. She steals almost all my guy friends and two guys that I really liked. I've tried to point it out to her, but she's completely denied it. She says I'm just hallucinating. I'm not. Guys like her better, her personality is addicting which is why I can't end our friendship. I will be stuck in it until the end of high school, but I can't end it because I'm afraid I won't exist without her. It's the only way I get noticed. When people look at us, they see her.

pathetic. · 10 months ago

A piece of ass, that's all
I've ever been
to any boy.

I'm that girl they call
when they're drunk at 2
in the morning

or bored one summer
afternoon

or lonely on a weekend
home from college

or tired of their current
girlfriend's tongue.

But i've never been the
girl who wakes up to
good morning texts
from her lover

Or the girl who
gets asked to the prom

Or the girl who
boys look deep inside
to find out what's inside of
her, who the real girl
is

i'm just their piece of ass.
that's all
i've ever been.

fsdfsd · 8 months ago

wow, did i write this?d

Virgin on a mission · 10 months ago

I've read all of these.
I have.
And I'm jealous.
Because most all of you have a story to tell about falling in love, hooking up, having your heart broken, et cetera.
I don't.

I'm a virgin and a prude.
I am 17.
I am a senior.
I am not okay with this.

Him and I flirt all the time.
I mostly flirt with him because he flirts back.
My heart doesn't start beating faster when I see him,
I don't want to be his forever and ever.
And yet, we have made a pact.
A sex pact.
We will have sex before the summer is over even though I encouraged him to ask out a friend of mine.
I have signed my virginity away and I don't know how I feel about it.
And worse, I've signed it away to someone who likes someone else.
He just wants to have sex.
I can't totally blame him; I've been very forward with him.
But I just want to be loved physically and emotionally.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

So then why do it if you don't want to? So what if you're seventeen and a virgin. YOU'RE SEVENTEEN! I have more respect for you for waiting for the right person to come along than I do for girls who throw themselves at anything that comes their way. If this feels right for you go for it, but I'm not a virgin anymore and if I had done it with someone when I didn't feel right about it I probably would feel bad about it now. You'll remember your first time forever, so make it special for yourself.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

When I was sixteen, I fell in love twice. The first time was painful. It ran its course, we broke up, and I was vomitting in the shower because it hurt so much. I told him my heart hurt, and he told me not to say that.

Three days before we broke up, I met the love of my life. He was standing in a ray of sun, I'm not even kidding, wearing a size medium white Hanes crewneck t-shirt, which was just a little tight in all the right places (I like it better when he wears a medium than a large). That summer I went kind of crazy, for me. I took advantage of all the freedom I was given, drank, smoked a bit, put myself in situations I probably shouldn't have, and hooked up with a bunch of mostly nice guys, but he was the only one I was nervous around. He asked me to hang out and I said yes, and after our first date he held my hand, and I wrote the gushiest, most embarrassing things in my journal, which I'll probably burn before I die, unless he makes me promise not to. That was a while ago, we've been together for twenty percent of my life now. Every day I fall more in love with him. He's handsdown the most amazing boy in the world.

I hope you all find someone who loves you and who you love more than anything else.

anonymous · 10 months ago

When I was 14, i had this boyfriend in new jersey and i was convinced i loved him.
In februrary of 8th grade, i was with my family in florida, on an annual business trip of my fathers, and i met this boy whom i had never met before on one of these trips. we hung out and flirted sort of. that night i was hanging out with him and some other kids sitting in this garden at the hotel, and we kept making eye contact with each other across the group. He moved next to me, and grazed his hand against mine. I didn’t push it away. Next thing I knew, he whispered in my ear, “do you want to hook up?” I didn’t say anything, but I guess I didn’t have to. We stood up, without letting go of each others hands and awkwardly sought out a place to make out, away from the other kids.
Let me preface the rest of this story by explaining that he was incredibly awkward, and so was i. And I mean incredibly awkward. Aside from his band (in which he played the keyboard), he also played competitive chess and ping pong. Don’t ask.
Anyway, we ended up behind this palm tree, only not really so behind it, because later on, I found out that the other kids had seen the entire thing. That aside, even though we fumbled and bumped noses, for some reason, I remember it as a really magical kiss.
I guess we were kind of dumb. In my little 8th grade head, I thought I was in love with him. Next thing I knew we were home, 2 hours away from each other, but we still spoke every day on the phone, for 2 or more hours. I knew everything about his life and he about mine. I talked about him all the time. And I went to visit him, and we did romantic things like watch the notebook and have picnics. I met his friends, who were all into music and in bands and stuff, which I thought was just about the coolest thing ever.
The problem was, I was in 8th grade, and totally unused to guys liking me. I was willing to do whatever he wanted. He was in 8th grade too, and unused to girls liking him, but he was so fucking horny. All the time. And his best friends were having sex. So stuff happened. A lot of stuff I really wasn’t ready for, and didn’t really want to do. I didn’t even really know what I was doing. But I was too embarrassed to say anything, I loved him too much and I wanted everything to be perfect.
About 5 months later, he called me up and said “before you say anything else, I want you to know im breaking up with you.” I didn’t even know there was a problem. I mean I had done everything he wanted me to, and I was trying so hard to make everything perfect. I cried for days and was miserable. In retrospect, the distance was way too hard, but he eventually gave me reasons including the fact that I was too obsessed with him? Freshman year was horrible, and I was completely emotionally scarred by this whole break up situation; teachers and parents of my friends even called my parents to tell them I seemed unhappy all the time. To this day we cannot have a normal conversation, because I still think hes an asshole, and he still thinks im annoying, and everytime I have to see him I dread it completely. He was and is horrible to me, but he also impacted me in huge ways and changed my life. I am not the person that most people think I am, and he has a lot to do with that. He brought me out of a shell, but because of him I don’t think I really believe in romantic love. i'm afraid of what it does to me

strong enough to hate you · 10 months ago

so guess what, mr. arrogant? i do not like you anymore. i liked you in 8th grade, and guess what? that was years ago. so maybe you should get over the fact that i was slightly in love with you. can you do that? can you get over yourself?
I DO NOT LIKE YOU. i don't. because you are arrogant and immature, and you have not grown up or changed and i know that i am so much fricking smarter than you. so STOP CALLING ME, because i will not think that it's not annoying just because i "like" you. because i do not like you, because you are dense and not really worth too much of my time. and i'm so sorry for liking you when i was THIRTEEN, and for not realizing that you weren't a douche. WHOOPS.

P.S.: how dare you say that i wasn't hot enough to date. we were thirteen, and you thought you were a pimp, you loser. yes, that's right: even though it was years ago, i'm still pissed about that. bastard.

boys are stupid · 10 months ago

Boy number one: I sucked your dick last night.
Boy number two: I sucked yours too.

Im not concerned about you,boy number two, I expected this of you.

I have always been your piece of ass. I got over that long ago.

But you! number one, what?

I am the only one that knows the real you. I feel privileged to be the only one that actually knows. I'm in on this disgusting little secret of yours. Don't worry, i wont tell.

Why did you choose me?

do I send off "I want to suck your dick vibes?"

I fucking hope not.

I didn't want to I swear.

You cornered me.

you purposely created an awkward situation. There was no awkward situation. You managed to create one.

Props to you, I sucked it.

.... · 10 months ago

The nicest, kindest, best kisser I have ever been with was a smoker. I couldn't bring myself to be with a smoker. Now I miss him more than ever.

hakuna matata · 10 months ago

My first boyfriend left me after I cheated on him.
With another girl.
On camera.

I don't regret it.
(And I liked it.)

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I have only loved two boys in my entire life. Neither of which were ever by any means my boyfriend. I met the first one when I was in second grade. I can't even explain the feelings I had and continue to have for him. He wasn't at that point in time the most attractive by any means although that came to change later on, but he was perfect to me. He was friendly and sensitive and we got along so simply and easily. It was like fitting two pieces of a puzzle together. My favorite memory of him is from that year. We raised butterflies in our class and his had died, so I offered to let him release mine with me. We went outside and he held my hand as we let the butterfly embrace its freedom on the soccerfield. I was really happy, he was my first love and that is one of those moments that make your heart dance and fill you with a sort of exhilaration that causes you to spend the remaining hours of the day skipping and singing. The next day I came in to find out he had a crush on one of my good friends. I was crushed, and it was from that point on that I fell into the position of the best friend. It was the equivalent of life as an addict to a highly addictive drug like heroine that persisted for five years. I was his best girl friend for five years. Constantly over-looked and constantly in pain. The feeling never faded either, no matter how many smiles I had shot my way the feeling of butterflies never subsided. It was as the cliche goes, sweet misery. After the fifth year, he moved. He moved over the summer and I didn't know. I would call his house and no one answered, so I stopped calling, but I never stopped thinking about him. The day before the next school year I recieved an email from him:

"I moved to Connecticutt, I just wanted to say goodbye".

I haven't seen or heard from him since, but I still haven't had a day go by where I don't think about him or miss him.


The second boy is more recent. I met him last year while I was dating my now ex-boyfriend. We had gone to school together for five years and had a lot of common friends but had never met before. All I knew about him was that he was a notorious womanizer and kind of an asshole. I orginally wasn't interested. He spent the day hitting on me when we met and I thought it was fun to reciprocate but because of my boyfriend I went no farther than the simple and what I deemed to be innocent flirting. He fell for me then though. We didn't speak again until four months later when I broke up with my boyfriend. He had liked me without my knowledge the entire time and in an act of jealousy started actively mocking my boyfriend to everyone we knew. I was furious since I had initiated the break up and broken my ex's heart so I confronted him and told him off. A few weeks later when it had all subsided I went to his baseball game and it was an intense game with him as the pitcher so I was cheering my heart out for him and the entire team. At the end of the game he passed by my car and looked at me, I smiled back at him and he just turned and walked away. I felt hurt, and I couldn't even place why at that point in time. Later that night though he texted me that he was happy I had gone to the game and essentially alluded to the fact that he really liked me. I couldn't have been happier. The next day my suspicions were confirmed and I was ecstatic. He isn't the most beautiful boy, but there is something about him that to me is intoxicating. So the night of the talent show he agreed to meet me there and I couldn't have been more excited. For the first act he didn't sit with me though and I was crushed. Then after the first act he came up to me and shyly asked if he could sit next to me, I was dumbfounded. Not only is he the farthest thing from shy, he also had never had any reason to be shy with me. Of course I said yes, but the entire time he didn't talk to me. When the night was over I was frustrated and I just wanted to go home so I said goodnight to everyone and saved him for last. When I went to him he gave me a prolonged hug, pushing toward awkwardness but I enjoyed it too much for it to be awkward. It felt so nice being there, my head was pressed up against his chest and I could hear him breathing and he smelled so good. Then he pulled away but held me around my waste and smiled at me, lifting his hand to push back a loose curl that had bounced into my face. The anticipation was almost killing me, but then all he said was "goodnight" and walked away. For the second time that night I was dumbfounded. My two best friends saw it as well and we mulled over it the rest of that night. The next monday however I found out he wanted to kiss me at my huge sixteenth birthday party. I was so excited and flew into making preparations for the party. My problem however was I was wary. Former experiences had taught me that I wasn't someone worth coveting regardless of whether or not it's true. And I didn't want to ruin my chances by being too clingy so I ended with the decision that I was going to act aloof and let him come to me. Well it drove him away. He decided that he no longer was interested and I was crushed. The night of my party though he came and at some point towards the end of the night took me into the ballroom to dance. When he took me outside to a secluded part of a field I got up the courage to ask him what had made him change his mind, his response, "I have no idea, you're just so different", and kissed me. That is my second best memory of us being together because it played exactly into my romanticized versions of love. The next week at school though things were different. I was aware that he had a "hit it and quit it" modo so I wasn't sure if he actually saw anything in me or if a bag had been figuratively pulled over my eyes. Sure enough since we had no classes together I didn't see him. Time passed and occasionally I would catch glimpses of him in the hall, regardless of his height his piercing blue eyes would catch my lackluster brown ones and I would quickly drop my gaze, embarrassed. I slowly became friends with all of his friends hoping to see him again. Sure enough we hung out multiple times, I got to know him better and better. His humor, his laugh, his smile. My favorite part was when I would do something stupid from across the room and he would be the only one paying enough attention to catch it and would smile at me. Nothing happened though, and I began feeling sad, worrying that it was going to turn into my previous love, because I was falling for him, and falling hard. Then we went to a party together. He spent his night hitting on another incredibly attractive girl that goes to our school and ignoring me. So I went out on my own and met an incredibly attractive boy that goes to a private school. He thought I was great and we hit it off right away. I still was falling for the previous boy, but decided to make him jealous by hooking up with the boy from private school. Sure enough it seemed to work, because later that week a small group went to the movie theatre and he hooked up with me again. Although less romantic than the first time, I enjoyed this one, because he held me the entire time and caressed my hand and kissed my cheek and it was one of the happiest two hours of my life and one of the worst movies I've ever half watched. He went off to camp though after that for two weeks, and stayed true to form by hitting on everyone there. When he came back I saw him and he first asked me how the private school boy I was seeing was doing. I awkwardly replied well. Then he proceeded to tell me about all the girls he was with at his camp and one in particular that he really liked. I was crushed and figured he was trying to get a message across to me that he was no longer interested. In the months that followed we ended up in a lot of the same places due to our common friends and he would be so hot cold. The katy perry song became my favorite thing to listen to because it applied to my situation so perfectly.
He would sometimes make advances like holding my hand only to ignore me ten minutes later. I never understood. Then at some point about a month later I was at a volleyball camp and I recieved a text from him demanding to know where I was. When I told him he informed me that he basically had brought his entire family and his best friend from out of town to the restaurant where I worked and wanted to see me. The signals at this point were so mixed I had no idea what was going on. The next week he invited me over to our common friend's house where he was living for a week while his parents were out of town. I went and we had a good time but nothing happened until the very end when he grabbed me and gave me one powerful kiss before I left. Once again it was like my own personal fairytale. The next night he invited me again, but this time our friend was at hockey practice so we were alone. It was one of the happiest nights of my life. We talked for a little and then had the most passionate hook up I have ever had with anyone in my entire life. I would give anything to be in that place again, anything to be there with him again. After that night I was more in love with him than ever and I knew I would have to make things official somehow soon.
I was scared though. He texted me every night for a week, but then school started and we didn't see each other ever. He made an effort two times after that, but it never amounted to anything because I was too scared to put myself out there and tell him how I felt. Shortly after that I found out that he was taking another girl to homecoming in our group and I was crushed. She was beautiful, and idiot, but beautiful nonetheless, and I watched him kiss her that night, the way he had kissed me so many times before. Next thing I knew he had another interest, now it was a senior. A two year old for that matter, and I promise that is all bitterness aside, she actually looks and sounds like a two year old. But that was his in to the senior crowd and he began to hang out with them only, so at a level that I couldn't reach if I had tried.
Five months went by and I stil cared, still loved him for everything good and bad he had inside of him. We went to a tournament together then, and stayed in the same hotel, he was the room next door. I spent every night in there until the latest hours. It was a combination of bliss and sheer pain. He would be so nice to me and then sometimes once again show no interest at all. We had fun again though, and when he would fall asleep and I would be up talking to his roommates I would look over and a huge surge of feeling would just wash over me completely. Sometimes he would accidentally in his sleep jerk out his hand on top of mine and it would remind me of the time at the movies.
So, when we came back I decided I needed to tell him. After everything we had been through he decided I didn't matter anymore, he decided that he was over it and done and better than me so he said he didn't feel the same and proceeded to brag about me liking him behind my back and pretend like he was above me. It was like another knife being cut through me, and when I confronted him all he could say to me was "Wow that's really fucking gay that people told you". The worst part is that I still love him, regardless of everything, and being completely without him is so much worse than not being able to be with him.

"So much for my Happy Ending" · 10 months ago

I liked you in seventh grade, even though you didn't invite me to your bar mitzvah and you R.S.V.P.ed no to mine.
I liked you in eighth grade, even though you asked her out instead of me.
I loved you in ninth grade, even though you said you "would rather just be friends."
I loved you in tenth grade, even though you wanted her.
I loved you in eleventh grade, when you came over to my house alone and didn't make a move.

After all of these years, you didn't ask me to the prom. You asked her, and she doesn't even care about you. I try to act like it doesn't affect me, like I'm over it, but I'm not. And pathetically.... against my better judgement..... I'm in twelfth grade, and I still love you.


......I have realized I will never get the fairy tale "teen-movie" ending I have waited for for so long. I have wasted the best years of my life convincing myself that we had a chance, even though now I see that we probably don't. But a piece of me still clings to that hope.

I'm afraid I will never get over you.

I

anonymous · 10 months ago

Dear B,

I am sorry I blew you off two summers ago, and then again when you asked me out. I was stupid and liked someone else. Now you have a girlfriend that you have been committed to for over a year. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I wasn't her. I would KILL to have a guy like you, especially now that I am eighteen and don't know what a true "relationship" feels like. It's all my fault, and you deserve so much better than me.

Love,
Me

Anonymous · 10 months ago

My boyfriend and I had been together for almost 2 months, and I really really liked him. He was my first boyfriend ever, and my first kiss. 2 days ago, one of my friends came up to me and told me that he told her he was going to break up with me. Slightly shocked that she would know my boyfriend was going to break up with me before I did, I asked one of my other friends what I should do. She just got pissed and insisted upon talking with him herself. He then proceeded to blatantly tell her he was going to break up with me. We were at a party, so we were all together all at the same time all night...this made the rumor spread fast and easily. Within an hour, I had people coming up to me saying they were sorry and giving me hugs. We hadn't even broken up yet! Not only that, but it was obvious that my boyfriend KNEW I knew, and he continued to remain silent. Finally, I came up behind him and hugged him (something I do all the time) and told him I needed to talk to him about something. Uncomfortably, he turned around and stuttered a little bit about how we don't have enough in common and he's not ready for a relationship. I just smiled and said it wasn't a big deal. I then proceeded to say the following: "But for the future, if you're going to break up with a girl, you should probably tell her first before you tell all her friends, you know?" I could tell he was a more than a little uncomfortable, and I started to feel sick to my stomach. So I smiled again and said it really wasn't a big deal, and he held out his arms for a quick hug. And then I ran into a corner with a friend where nobody could see, and cried for an hour.

played. · 10 months ago

He was the second guy I'd ever hooked up with. I was naive and innocent, and he liked me way more than I was ready for, but I went along with it for a few months. I always found ways to get out of our plans, it was awful, but I was uncomfortable and not ready for the relationship... I ended whatever we were that spring.

We didn't talk all summer, until I saw him in the park hooking up with his girlfriend, we tried to be friends, and it was mad awkward for a while. We couldn't hang out, he judged me for what I did with other guys, it just wasn't a great friendship. Then we started hanging out a little, we hooked up a fwe more times, and by this point, I felt more than I had the previous spring. We were just casual until like the fall of this year, we hooked up a few times, and I knew that he liked me still, and he knew that I'd tell him what I was comfortable with.

When I told him I wanted to go out with him, he seemed happy about it, but at the beginning of winter break, I had a throat cold, and he refused to hang out with me, saying we "couldn't be ourselves", after this break, he informs me he is dating someone else.... real dick move, I was crushed. And he told ME that he needed space. So we didnt talk for a month, and then we tried hanging out as friends once his girlfriend left for some trip (I didn't know this).

We went to a play, he told me how much he missed me, how he was realizing things with his girlfriend and with me... I never thought he would start to like me again. I was so wrong. He wouldn't break up with her until he saw her. So we were gonna wait, but then we made a few mistakes, and we were just being idiots, but we had feelings for each other again. He promised me he wouldn't hurt me again, I never thought he would hurt me twice, especially under the circumstances I am under at home, only a real asshole would hurt me. Thats only what I thought... Last night, he tells me that he doesn't want to tie me down, when we can't be legit, and he asks me to never tell anyone, so he can "stay with her".

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I've never had a boyfriend, there have been potentials, but I always freak out and end it... fml, i just want someone to want to be with me, and I don't want to freak out!

In love, but confused · 10 months ago

My boyfriend of a year-and-a-half recently almost just broke up with me.
He and I met in a very romantic setting and were the perfect couple for about a year. I'd never felt anything like that before, and it was truly magical. Then about seven months ago, I went away and fell for someone else and I came home and he found out and he was so devested. I never thought I'd do something like that because we were so perfect before I left. We stayed together though, and since then, things have improved greatly but he's still hurt and I've still been confused. I'm confused about the other guy. Did I really like him? Was it just because I was lonely? Was there really something special between us? He and I still keep in touch, but my boyfriend doesn't know that. I still have feelings for the other guy. But I love my boyfriend so much. His heart still hurts even though I have tried so hard to mend things. A few days ago, he almost broke up with me. I thought things were going well with him and me despite the inevitable complications with having to mend a relationship that was shaken by cheating. He got so upset and told me how he doesn't trust me and he hasn't regained that trust and he doesn't know what to do because things don't feel the same. It was kind of out-of-the-blue, so I was really shocked and upset. He first said that he thinks he and I should just be friends, but then later said maybe we could not talk for a few days and then "start over new." Like we are first dating again. It's true that things haven't felt the same since then, but I think it is because deep-down, I'm still confused. I don't think he thinks I'm still thinking about the other guy, but I think he can sense that things aren't the same. All this time, I know deep-down that I have to choose between the two situations. To keep my boyfriend and now try really hard to mend the relationship without talking to the other guy, or to end my relationship and possibly continue talking to the other guy. I know it seems obvious: to stay with my boyfriend who I love so much and who loves me so much, but I can't help my feelings for the other guy. The other guy and I live in completely different places, and have very different circumstances, yet we have stayed in touch for over six months. I think I know that ultimately, it will be my boyfriend and me together. I'm going to have to prove my loyalty, prove that I can be trusted and really have nothing (the other guy) in between us. I think if I want to truly mend our relationship and have it go back to how it was pre-summer, I'm going to have to force myself to stop talking to the other guy...

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I'm trying to figure out how to say this so that this can remain anonymous, so that anyone who knows this story can't guess it's me. It's difficult.
I met him my second day of freshman year. He wasn't gorgeous. He wasn't all that funny. He was shy and dorky and far too tall. But he smelled incredible. And he was so patient, teaching me the ropes of something that seemed so complicated. He was so sure of himself when we were doing things that involved our club. He was in charge and he wasn't perfect but we had incredible success. He fascinated me. He was a mess of contradictions. He was so confident with himself at stuff but as soon as we were in normal school world or after school world he had no social prowess. He was extremely polite and thoughtful and at the same time would tell disgusting jokes. I dreamed about him every night and I saw him every day. I fell in love with him and the club we shared simultaneously. I tried to forget my feelings about him, he was older, socially inept and unattractive. I told myself over and over again us being together would be horrible, but i couldn't stop thinking about him. The club we were in was perfect, and soon I was just as dedicated to the cause as he was. We spent more and more time together, becoming close friends. So eventually he figured it out and we started dating. It was wonderful. Neither of us had ever even kissed another person. So we kissed each other a lot, talked a lot and spent all our time together. He was my world and it only made sense for us to have sex. Months later we broke up and now I'm left running the club that he used to run, filling shoes he left for me. My club is my life and my joy, it's what keeps me coming to school. But everything I do there reminds me of him, because for more then two years of my life my love for my club and my love for him were one in the same. He's become a jerk. Sex changed both of us and now we can't even be friends. I'm incredibly lonely. After we broke up I tried filling the hole he left by hooking up with a mutual friend and then briefly dating someone else. It didn't work. I am over him now, but I'm not over the loneliness. Two days ago I looked around at all my friends. In a group of 15 people i counted four pairs of people flirting and cuddling together. I was among the seven people left alone and I realized how very much I wanted someone to hold, someone to love.
I remember how badly I used to want him, how badly i wanted to feel what a kiss felt like. Well now I've felt it and I can't have it any more and you know what? This is worse.

L'amour das La Ville Rose · 10 months ago

I had had fantasies, of course, before I went to France last summer. Daydreams about a beautiful French boy sweeping me off my feet, and onto his vespa, during humid European nights. It didn't happen quite in that manner, but I did have an unforgettable experience. I met a boy, but he was Brazilian instead of French. He was just as beautiful as I had imagined though, with a Mediterranean complexion and mischevous green eyes. Upon meeting him he had seemed like the other boys I had fallen for in the past: hot, and overly confident. However, after we had become intimate, his personality changed. No more was he braggadocious and cocky; instead, he showered me with a tenderness I had never before experienced. We were able to be quite free with each other, and I felt as though I had known him forever.

He left, however, after only two and a half short weeks. During that time I had given all of myself to him, including my heart. We professed our everlasting adoration for each other his last night, as we stood in the vast foyer of my apartment building, with the door open to let in the summer breeze. I didn't cry, but we both had a heaviness in our voices that would not soon be forgotten. We had always spoken in French together, but he was a fan of American colloquial phrases. The last thing I said to him before he departed was, "See you later, alligator. " It sounds silly but it would have been too heartbreaking to say something too serious. He grinned at me with his perfect green eyes and responded in his Brazilian accent, "After a while, crocodile." Then he squeezed my hand and left me, blending into the musical night. I closed the door quickly, so that no one would see the tears that had begun to run wildly down my face, appearing as soon as I was alone.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I could see a future with him if he could handle a woman whose main purpose wasn't to be at his beckon call or if I didn't know that I am meant for so much more than that.

anonymous · 10 months ago

Eighth grade we started talking because you were going out with my friend. That didn't last, but we continued to talk.
Freshmen year we still talked. Not that much,but kept in touch.
Sophomore year we had classes together. At this point I was pretty sure I liked you. We talked a lot.
Junior year, we hung out. We talked as much.
Senior year, we finally hooked up. We talk when you want to.

Nobody really even knows we're friends. You probably know I like you, I don't think you care.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

It's snowing now. You always tell me when it's snowing where you are. I miss you.

First Love, first loss · 10 months ago

You will always remember your first love. The moment your lips touch each other and your emotions rush into your head, consuming your every thought. It is as if a light is switched on and your eyes must adjust to the light for the first time. Once they adjust the world becomes clearer and colors become brighter and beautiful. You’ll grow old and look back on the first time you felt that rush of love. I will always look back when I am old and gray and I will remember the boy who first stole my heart.
He is tall. Always towering over my body. His head rests perfectly atop my golden brown hair. His arms wrap around my shoulders, keeping me warm from the cold brisk air blowing around us. He holds tighter. Everything feels perfect, because I am with him.
When I first me him, 3 years ago, he was intimidating. His tall limber body stood before me, experienced by 1 year over my small stature. His face, still that of a child looked warm and welcoming. His long hair, though sometimes greasy, hung in front of his face hiding his eyes, enough to question his trustworthiness. His voice, still that of a preadolescent boy cracks when he became nervous. His clothes, big and baggy, hide his lanky unporportional body. His demeanor was constantly funny, comical friendly and warm. His smile was contagious, and brought sunlight to any dark room. His fingers, which cracked with the tick of a clock, could hold anything with ease. He was always willing to be someone’s Superman. It was his second nature.
You will always remember the moment you met your first love. The world stops. Everything around you slowly spins. You stand glowing, in a universe all to yourself. The moment lasts forever. You’re almost in a daze. Lost from all your fears and problems. The world starts again. Slowly you regain reality. The moment, though, stays with you, haunting your every move, your every thought, your everything.
The first time we met he sat high in a tree. Nervously approaching, my hands shaking, we were introduced. The sound of his name lit up my heart, I had heard it before. The smells of early spring, the freshly blooming flowers and the dew soaked grass filled the air. “Hey” he said. My world began to spin.
Two years ago, he started to grow up. No longer was his hair dirty, but now shorter and much more kept up. His face began to grow, no longer showing his chubby childhood cheeks. His unporportional arms began to grow, matching the fit of his manly torso. His personality began settling down and his interests became clearer. He found a great fondness of cooking. The delicious scents of melting butter and freshly chopped vegetables lingered around his body; mixed with the old smell of smoke and freshly washed laundry. He also began to find an interest in me.
You will always remember your first kiss. Your faces come close and begin to touch. The warmth of your lips keeps your bodies heated, even in the dead of winter. You feel each breath, heavy and fast. The world is lifted the two of you. Everything goes silent, just the sound of your breath and your heartbeats, in perfect rhythm, fill the room, consuming you in the moment.
We were watching a movie. Silently he slid his arm around my shoulders, carful to do it with ease and in one smooth motion. Grabbing me tight, holding my body closer to his own. I silently giggled to my self as he tickled my arm. Slightly turning my head I got caught. His lips, pursed, gently touching mine. His breath, lightly blowing my face. His body, nervously moving to mold and complement my every move. His lips touched mine again, this time staying still against mine, pushing hard against my face. The world around me began to disappear, it was silent, just our breath and heart beats, together creating the only noise we needed.
Last year his freshly shaven face, and newly cut hair showed off a more masculine face, that before was hidden. A face that held brown eyes, which though small, could attract you from across the room. His deep voice, that I have watched change from preadolescence to adulthood, remained warm and welcoming, as well as comforting to any situation. His tall stature protected me from all evils. Holding me close to his body I could hear his heart beating with mine. Our fingers matched perfectly as if pieces to the same puzzle. He held me and everything in our lives, all our problems went away. With each other the world was at peace.
You will always remember your first break-up. The first time your heart is broken. That moment when you ache inside and your stomach drops. Your body shivers even in the heat of the summer. You could almost melt into the floor and disappear. You turn, walking slowly away, looking back only once to see if it’s true, trying with all your might to hold back the tears. Trying for one moment to move on.
She was pretty. Her brown hair flowing lightly in the sun over her shoulders as she explained the situation. A hidden love, secret from me, secret from the world. Her eyes began to tear with mine, as she apologized. It happened twice. Once in the summer and again during winter break. “Never again” she promised “it’s not worth it.” I walked away, never looking back, not able to hold back my tears. Unsure of how to move on.
Now, he passes in the hall. Alone. His thoughtful smile shines high over the heads of my classmates. He hasn’t changed much, though I would not know. We have not spoken, except for the ever so often check in or fight. It’s bizarre. The hallways at school swarm with students I know, friends, classmates, old friends, each one having different associations with me. He falls into the crowd. Someone I once knew. Someone who once felt like so much to me. Someone who meant the world, now just slips by, with only a slight smile. A slight reminder of the time we spent together. A slight reminder of the time we wasted together.

anon · 10 months ago

this is beautiful

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I've liked him for the longest time, and now, I've tried to convince myself that I don't anymore, but I know it's not entirely true. When my phone rings, I always hope that it's going to be him, calling to tell me that he is done being with countless other girls, and that I am the one he really wants. Whenever I watch a movie and a perfect couple ends up together, I cry because I know that will never be me and him. He calls when he feels like it, and never considers me. He acts like he misses me and tells me he wants to see me, but it always falls through, and it is never because of my actions. It is because of him that I let other great guys pass me by, and it is because of him that I am scared to commit. I hate him for all of the same reasons I still dream of winding up with him.

Just Let it Happen · 10 months ago

I found a boy who makes my stomach do flips. Whenever we kiss it is more passionate than any other kiss i've had, out of about fifty others. I love his lips and I love being pressed against his bare chest. I like holding the kiss with him and biting his upper and lower lips. I love holding him tightly and feeling the rush it gives me to lie next to him our legs and arms intertwined. He has never been my boyfriend, but I considered him my best friend. What matters to me is the feeling I get when we are together. Happiness. I thought he was perfect. I think I'm a bit in love with him though the physical distance and lack of communication is immense.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I fell in love for the first time with my boyfriend of forever.
We fought fiercely, constantly. But the love was so passionate.
He made me cry. He made me happier than I'd ever been.
I trusted him. He didn't speak to me for a week when I told him I'm bipolar.
He blocked my calls, blocked my screen name, blocked my emails.
I sent him a facebook message, saying it was over. And that he should be ashamed.
He called me crying. Apologizing. Begging.
I told him I didn't know what to do.
We hung out the next day with friends. It was awkward, but we started talking casually, and holding hands.
I stopped by his house later, and he climbed into the passengers seat.
"So," I asked him, "what do we do?"
"I think we should break up," he said.
Whatever, I thought. He's a piece of shit. I'd already been crying for a week, I was exhausted. I reacted very calmly, and that pissed him off. He got out of the car, slammed the door, and told me to fuck off.
I drove by him walking as I headed home. I shook my head at him. He looked at me with wide eyes.
I didn't see him again for three months.
I was busy banging his best friend.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I recently got a text message saying, I love you. My parents aren't here and she's college visiting for the weekend. Come over please? All I wanted to do was rush to his house and say the same three words he had just said to me. But the "she" that was out of town, is my best friend.

done · 10 months ago

"He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. Once you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life."

who ever wrote this i'm on the same page
there has been this boy that i have had a crush on since i met him freshman year. I am now a junior. at the time i didn't know how to act when i was around guys so when there was a rumor started that we were dating i had no idea what to do but he didn't mention anything either so nothing happened. but it gave me the idea that maybe he like me too, maybe there was a reason the rumor had started.
sophomore year he was gone the first semester and when he came back i became friends with him.
this year we've gotten to be pretty close. He it a pretty flirty guy but especially to me. We could talk about whatever, i'd be the first he'd call on the weekends, he loves to tease me, we have a great time together and he said he liked me in an easily uncoded way (which is typical him). So i asked him to our school dance. but by the day of the dance he was dating a freshman. Although i was disappointed i thought we were good enough friends that i wouldn't matter. it seems not to be the case. A week leading up to it he started acting strange and blowing me off at school. At the dance he ran off to hang out with the freshmen (who no one can stand but him). and at the after party after i said I would not drive about an hour out of the way and go home early just to that he could hook up with he girlfriend he pouted a little then ditched me once again. Although i knew he was being an ass i made excuses for him, i think my friends were more annoyed than me. recently me and one of my girl friends were going to a party and he came along because i felt bad ditching him when he called. it was a long-ish drive and he complained the entire way down especially when we told him we had to go pick up some other friends. Once we got there i was having a good time but he just sat and complained that they weren't his friends so he left with some seniors to go who know where. On the way home, although i had decided earlier that i didn't want to like him, i decided i was through making excuses for him just because of that soft spot. It was one of the best decisions ever. i no longer worry what he thinks and it is relieving to not have to put up with his obnoxious side anymore. although i think there will always be some attraction, he is one of those guys that it is hard not to like, the no excuse policy has save me. now i can (and have) move on.

Dear Diary, · 10 months ago

12:33am
On the way to driving K home from J's my night was dramatically altered. All I can say is wowww. So I get to J's, and then I see The Witch, RB. F****** whore get out. Stop following me, you show up everywhere! One night I will smack her. Last New Years I went to the Palombaro then to R's. RB ruined part of my night that night. I got with R, but this was while when we were going through bad times. Later R went upstairs with RB, ew. This 15 year old hoe needs to leave. Now tonight she was there again, being a slut. I was talking to B about how I hate her, B goes to the bathroom, I walk to the other room to get my phone, and what do you know. R IS SMACK UP AGAINST THE WALL WITH RB'S LEG wrapped around R'S BODY! I ran out and freaked out. I was in shock that I walked in on them eww. Unknowing to me, my actual shock of the night had yet to come. So I'm driving K home and when I'm almost to her house K tells me R didn't want to get with RB. Wow. I burst out crying at the moment she said that. I was shocked when K told me R said, "I'm definitely going to --my-- party tomorrow, I want to make things right with --me--. I know I was an asshole. We both went through some things, and we went through a lot together ... I want things to be normal again". He cares about me! He acknowledged that we had something! I've been denying this for years. I'm so happy he's gonna spend time with me! He's being so mature and unlike him. G-d I realize I miss him. He acknowledged that we were really tight!!! Ug, I love him still.

anonymous · 10 months ago

i never thought i was that pretty... but now guys do and i'm not sure what to do

K · 10 months ago

For some reason he liked me. Which i realize now was kind of insane, as looking back i was the most akward 8th grader on the face of this planet. But it wasnt just me, even the initial ask out/ turn down was akward, I mean, for gds sake, it was via aim. And that fateful night was just the catalyst for the gds of akward to descend with all of their feiry fury upon us. You dont believe me? Once on an overnight class trip he walked into my room without knocking only to see me standing there wearing nothing but one of those tiny hotel towels. Really, it didnt matter were we were, if something akward could happen, it did. But for some reason it didnt seem to matter, its as if we were completely unaware of all of it. For anybody else in their right mind the freindship would have ended not soon after it started, but ours continued. And though i havent seen him for 3 years, we still speak regularly, weekly hour long phone calls, and get a letter full of inside jokes every birthday. We have seen each other through everything, first hook ups, first break ups, dissapointments, school. I love him in the sense that he has become family to me. I wouldnt even call us freinds, its to enduring to be that. I could not speak to him for monthes, then pick up the phone, and now we will be able to start exactly were we left off. He says its because we got all the akward out of our system at the very start. I just say its because he is the brother i always wanted.

One of the boys. · 10 months ago

Its strange. I can remember meeting him, every detail. Even before i liked him, when he was still just some random guy, i still remembered everything. What I was wearing, what was said, were we were. A few weeks later i just took notice of him. He sits directly across from me in class, and it just popped into my head that he was wonderful. Everything about him, he was smart, funny, and talented like you couldnt believe. That was two years ago. Since then we becme freinds, hung out. If a girl walks past us he'l say, "wow, she's hot" or he'l tell me who he wanted to hook up with at a party. A few weeks ago he threw his arm around my shoulder and said "You know X, your just one of the boys. An honorary one of the guys."
Whoopee.
And while id like to pretend that last word was sarcastic, i have to be honest and say that i was ecstatic. That i even made it to the "one of the guys" level made my day. But a few monthes from then i started to like (like as in like like) less and less, until now i can finally say i dont anymore. Which is strange. To like someone for two years, and then not to. Its wonderful, because for the first time in 2 years i can say "I dont like anyone!" I am completely me. It feels sort of empty inside, but so be it! I have me all to myself now. Dont get me wrong, he is one of those guys you will always have a crush on, even when your seeing someone else, or married. But besides that my mind is fully my own now, which is every kind of lovely.

No man needed · 10 months ago

Yesss!
Power to you.
That IS every kind of lovely.

JML · 10 months ago

I have been planning on the best, least akward, most likely-that-you-might-say-yes way to ask you to prom for like a year now. Wow, I am such a dork.

Oy vey. · 10 months ago

You put your hand on my shoulder, that fact alone made my stomache flip. Maybe to flippy. I tripped over my own feet, you being a gentelman held on trying to keep me from falling only to have me drag you down with me. oooh god. This is why I shouldnt be allowed around boys, I become a hazard to society really. Oy.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I wish he would just stop acting like someone he is not. I know how great he can really be, and honestly, he's throwing it away on something so stupid. He doesn't even realize what he could have if he would just stop.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

wow, i completely agree. most guys i know put up this front, its like they're trying too hard all the time

still optimistic · 10 months ago

I could fill up pages and pages recounting the many times he has wronged me, the nights I have spent awake, and the silly ways I obsessively search for meaning in his actions and words—all my crazy thoughts throughout our long, volatile, twisted, relationship. But I can’t--not now—when just possibly, there is a chance that things are finally right between us. Don’t get me wrong, all that pain is still there, hidden beneath layers of denial, excuses, and genuine faith. Maybe that’s why I’m so terrified, when here I am, finally happy with him—my steadfast belief has led to countless tears.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I find myself going to my locker just because I know he has class on the same floor. I find myself re-reading his text messages to me, trying to decipher if he actually means what he says or is just kidding around. I don't know if his flirtations are his personality or are aimed and sculpted just for me. I think he likes me, but I'm not positive, and therefore I would never make a move. I realize I'm either too scared he'll reject me, or too scared that if I don't do anything, he'll end up with someone else.

anonymous · 10 months ago

i think the worst feeling is when I'm with him and this overwhelming paranoia washes over me that he has no interest and i'm making a fool out of myself

anonymous · 10 months ago

i know exactly how you feel and i dont know what to do either

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I completely know what you mean, boys play foolish little games with your head. Put yourself out there though. In the end you'll find that you have less to loose. A broken heart will heal but time spent waiting is time permanently lost from your life forever, and time better spent together or moving on.

still optimistic · 10 months ago

sometimes i get drunk just so i can make a mistake with him

still pessimistic. · 10 months ago

been there, done that.
still would, still do.
still can't get over Him.

best friends, to maybe more
to 'just friends', to just. plain. awkward.
except when we're both a little...well ya know...

because THEN He wants me and THEN I can't control myself.
Why can't He like me just as I am?

whatever happened to Us?
will we ever be 'more'?
can we ever go back to what we were before 'maybe more'?

don't know, do care.
doubt it.
doubt it.

still can't get over Him.

boys are really stupid · 10 months ago

this happens way too often.
a message to all little, immature, boys
DROP THE BOOZE AND GRAB THE GIRL.

hi. · 10 months ago

I am the girl who says she HATES affairs. I'm rude to any of the "other" girls who hurt my friends. Or the guy who broke their heart. The truth is, I cheated. Never told ANYONE.

And to be perfectly honest, it was the best feeling in the world. He will never know, and I love that

HE LIKES YOU. · 10 months ago

Girls, if he starts texting you consistently all of the sudden to hang out it means something.
If he's sending you flirty texts daily, he wants you.
If the guy is calling or texting you only after the night is up, you're a booty call.
If the boy texts you early in the night to hang out and then follows up later he is expecting to get some, but has better game than the boy who just calls late at night.

If it's such a mystery to you whether or not he likes you, yet he is giving you constant attention, WAKE UP! Get over your insecurities and flirt back, and maybe realize that he's into you. If a guy wants you, he will make the effort and you WILL know.

what · 10 months ago

He's online right now, but hasn't said anything. Wtf. He tells me how much he misses me one minute, and then nothing the next. Whatttt?

it's a game, you're losing · 10 months ago

it doesn't mean anything...those trivial conversations on the internet shouldn't be so important. Try to see past that, it's petty.

anon · 10 months ago

i don't know who i hate more. him or me.

happy without you · 10 months ago

we were a new couple. you were a junior, i was a sophomore. it started when we'd flirt backstage during rehearsals, i'd sit on your lap, you'd try to kiss me. it was all so fun. we'd been dating two weeks and you came over to my house one day after school. we sat in my living room making out and you asked me if i'd go to prom with you. i was so happy you asked me, i smiled and kissed you and felt like a princess. you knew i would do anything you wanted. so two days later when we were in your room and you pinned me down on your bed and tried to take my clothes off and told me you loved me and that if i loved you i'd have sex with you, i hit you. i've never hit anyone before. you knew i was a virgin, you knew how vulnerable i was there alone with you. you broke up with me, and after that day, i swore off love, sex, anything that i thought would make me that vulnerable again. two years later, i am in love, he's in love with me, we've been together for eight months and we have sex regularly, which we decided together as a couple when to start. so maybe next time, instead of trying to force someone into loving you and fucking you, learn some respect and communication skills, jackass.

anonymous · 10 months ago

My first love, or atleast I thought he was, I don't even know where to start. He was my best friend's brother, and we met in 8th grade. We got to know each other over msn, we constantly talked to each other for hours at night. When we saw each other at school we would flirt with each other but he insisted that we had to keep everything a secret, since he was 'my best friend's brother'. At that point I didn't really mind, I just wondered why my best friend would be upset if I dated her brother. Months go by and no one really knows, especially not my best friend. One october break I went on a family trip with my bestfriend, and long story short I got the chance to hook up with her brother. We did everything except sex, and I was so excited that we had finally hooked up. When we got back from the trip I told 4 of my closest friends, and I asked them to keep it a secret. Well, 3 of them decided to tell my best friend as soon as I was home sick from school, what great friends. My best friend was furious with me, and I couldn't really understand why. She didn't want me to do anything with her brother, and that she didn't want any of her friends to talk to her brother. She forgave me and eventually forgot about what happened. When I tried to talk to her brother after the trip he was very short with me, and pretty much ignored me. I didn't understand what I did wrong, I was so upset. After a few months we finally started talking again and he wanted to meet up with me. Well, meeting up with him wasn't such a good idea...I ended up losing my virginity to him in a public bathroom. How romantic. Afterwards, while walking back to school, he went on about how great it was and that we should meet up more often. After that he ignored me for months. I was so mad at him, but at the same time I had such strong feelings for him. I was heartbroken, he had used me. Eventually I sort of got over him and dated other guys, but as soon as I would start dating a guy, he would come back into my life and tell me to dump the guy I'm dating for him.
It's been 4 years since I first started talking to my best friend's brother, and every time he wanted to hook up with me, I would go along with it. Everytime I was sad or heartbroken, he was there to 'help me' get over the guy that hurt me. I guess you could say we used each other, but I was always the one that ended up with a broken heart. I lost my best friend because of her brother, and it really was not worth it. It wasn't until 6 months ago I finally deleted his number, and deleted his msn. I have no contact with him. I'm in a relationship with the perfect guy, and I now know how true love feels like, and how wrong the relationship with 'the brother' was.

Pucca · 10 months ago

Okay, so here’s my story. Autumn 2005 I started gymnasium. I was excited to meet all these new people. After a few months I become really good friends with this guy, nothing more. We start hanging out, going to cafés late at night, studying and talking crap. One night one of his friends tag along, we become good friends too. Let’s call him X. When the spring term is about to start I decide to change school, don’t ask me why. I change school to start in a new class with one of my best childhood friends. Time goes a long and one night on a Friday we go to a café. We’re both kind of bored and start looking through our phone list, figuring out who to call. We call people but everyone is busy. We decide to call X. He and my good friend from my first school joins us and we have a good time. So it’s me and my three guy friends. Nothing else. Then all of a sudden X says something that was going to change my look of him. He says “So when are we gonna go on an alone date?” From that day we started dating, and we fell in love. We were together for 2 years but during this time I made the biggest mistake of my life, I cheated on him with another guy. I don’t have an answer of why I did it but all I know is that I felt so bad about it I threw up at the busstop on my way home. I break up with him saying I don’t love him anymore, which was a lie. I did not tell him about the mistake I did. What happens now is so fcked up I don’t know what to say – my best friend, the one I had coffee with when we decided to call X is way drunk one night, exactly 6 days after high school graduation. He randomly meets X in town, X is way drunk too. My “best friend” tells X about what I did and let’s just say I don’t talk to neither X or my FORMER best friend anymore.
Today I’ve got a new boyfriend, hes wonderful and he knows about what I did but hes still sticking by my side and says that he trusts me. I thank him for that. But the sad part is I still miss and hurt from seeing my ex on the streets, seeing him forgetting about me when sometimes I lay away thinking about him. I guess life goes on and maybe someday in the future he can forgive me and my life will once again be ‘normal’.

Stork · 10 months ago

I met a boy because I was bored and decided to go with my brother to a meeting because he was new in our band. I said hi to this boy, and I knew immediately we would be best friends. And we were. It wasn't long before we were talking online for hours every day, and texting so much our parents went insane over the phone bills. So after about half a year we knew just about everything about each other, and could almost speak telepathically. But one day our band had a movie night, and he took my hand during the movie. That's when I started to freak out. That wasn't what I wanted! So I tried to avoid him a little bit, but I couldn't. I had to talk to him, I had to hug him. He was like my twin, how couldn't I? I was still in love with my ex at the time, and we would still fool around a little bit. But then my ex started ignoring me and blowing me off all the time. And one day we were four friends who were going to the movies together. Two never showed up, so this boy and I were alone at the movies. And that's when it happened. I started to realize how amazing it was to spend time with him, how natural and sweet it was. So a few weeks later when my ex blew me off (again) I was pretty excited. I called this boy and asked him if he wanted to see me instead. And he did. And I dont know how it happened, the day is quite hazy in my memory, but first we ended up in his bed laughing and tickling each other. Then we ended up in each other's arms, and then we kissed. But then he said that we were together. And I freaked out, again. I felt really cramped. I was together with my best friend! So a few days later I broke up with him. And I've never been as devastated in my life. I could hardly breathe for a week. So when we were going to talk about the reasons why we broke up we just ended up back together again. And this time it held. We've now been together for 10 months and more. I fall more in love with him every day and he's my everything. He's the only one. I may be only 17 but we have quite serious plans on getting married (by quite serious I mean that we both talk about it without joking and being completely okay with the prospect). Our love is dizzying. He's the most beautiful person in the world. I don't know what I would do without him. Even if we don't see each other constantly or talk all the time every day, just the feeling of knowing he's there gets me by. He's the only boy in whose arms I've ever been able to fall asleep, and when he holds me nothing else matters. He is the only one who can calm me down to the point where I can just sleep, no matter how stressed I am.

I hope there is someone this special out there for everyone..

in control · 10 months ago

i deleted his number today! it was the best thing i ever did. for once i am in control!

tryandguess · 10 months ago

i went upstairs with him.
we had sex.
he gave me a handle of vodka.
thanks, random frat boy.

anonymous · 10 months ago

I never thought I could be myself, truely, around anyone.
I can be with you, and I know that you love me for it because you tell me everyday.
I've never felt more vulnerable.
But I've never been this happy.

I love you with all my heart. I know I always will. You were the missing part of my life, and I am so thankful to finally have you. I know I'm young, and I know it sounds stupid and everyone else will roll their eyes at us, but I know I could be happy with you by my side for the rest of my life.

Anonymous · 7 months ago

:)

lolz · 10 months ago

he ate me out after i drove him home...i was wearing my dawg pound shirt

lolercopter · 10 months ago

IT HAPPENED......in a dawg pound shirt

boys are stupid · 10 months ago

scandelous.

dawg pound 32 · 10 months ago

DANG GIRL. IN THE DAWG POUND SHIRT?...the yellow one i hear...

dawgpoundddd · 9 months ago

hahahahahahahahahahaah THE DAWG POUND SHIRT!!! wheres the sketch?

a · 10 months ago

i dont think i'm pretty enough for any of the boys i like to ever like me back when they are sober

Anonymous · 10 months ago

I'm sure that's not true, and if it is it means that the boys you like just aren't worth it.

Anonymous · 10 months ago

... what have you done in YOUR dawg pound shirt??

dawg · 9 months ago

oh i always pictured it in the blue one

Finally Happy! · 10 months ago

After SIX YEARS of back and forth, and tears and shame, and screaming fights,
we're together.
and we're happy.
and we're in love.

I'M IN LOVE!

needs a reality check · 10 months ago

i find myself moree attracted to the charachters on tv shows i watch then the boys i actually know.. maybe my expectations are too high but why does it feel like i can't even have crushes on boys because all the ones that i know aren't nearly as good looking or cool as the ones from tv.

homewrecker? · 10 months ago

I kind of have a crush on this guy, he's really sweet and incredibly easy to talk to. I found myself the other day talking to him on the phone for an hour and half without even realizing it. I don't think I've been flirtatious, just friendly, but I think he took it the wrong way and just broke up with his girlfriend. Eek.

We're still complicated... · 10 months ago

I fell in love with this boy, who can't even commit. We've liked each other for a year now and talk everyday and are always happy together. But he got screwed over in his last relationship, and wanted to take things slow. But how much slower can you go if you can't even commit after liking each other for a year? So eventually I fell in love and don't really know how to get out of a "just friends who like each other and can still make out" relationship. I want to say to him "I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry if I sound selfish, but with you its either all or nothing. I don't want to fall much deeper because I won't get out, so make up your mind or I'm out", but I'm afraid that if I do say that maybe he will just be like "fine, I guess we're nothing than" and I can't even deal with the thought of that. I know I can't let go of him yet...and I did already fall in love with him. I can't even imagine going to sleep without talking to him that day. He is the first guy I fell in love with, its just funny because when I first met him, I never would have imagined I would have such strong feelings for him. I never would have thought that I would have dreams about him, or miss being by his side, or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions his name. When I first met him, I never would have thought that I would fall in love with him.

... · 10 months ago

I've been in that trap for what seems like years now. You don't want to ask for total commitment for fear of total rejection. Just ask. The answer you get is the answer you need to hear.

anon · 8 months ago

...are you me? did i write this.
it's tough.

Gotta love it.. · 10 months ago

Yeah, being in love can sometimes be a bitch, but its also really magical too. It has its ups and downs...but doesn't everything? Love just hit a little harder, but everyone is strong enough to take it.

anonymous · 9 months ago

i want a happy ending.
i think about it a lot ... probably too much.
i'm still not sure what the end will bring or who i will be with.
i think that in the end ... it will be him.
i've been confused for a while, and i don't think i'll ever get over the other guy ... but i have to choose. the other guy will always have a piece of my heart, and i think i have to just accept that i'll never fully be over him and that we have a special connection.
but "the guy" not the "other guy" ......he can make me happy. we can have a future. i'm going to really try to be his. i'm going to make sure nothing gets in the way this time. ...i'm going to try really hard to have things back to how they were. i hope my heart can belong to him completely again...

anonymous · 9 months ago

My family took a vacation to a caribbean island. While we were there, there was this one boy on the staff who was always seeking my attention. On bike tours he would ride next to me and flirt with me. At dinner he would wait until I got up from the table to go to the bathroom and run up to talk to me. Everynight he would tell me how sad he was that I would be leaving soon. He wanted my address so he could write to me. On New Years Eve he came over to tell me how beautiful I was. He loved my eyes, my hair, my dress. He had never met someone so beautiful he said. He was supposed to be cleaning tables in the dining room, but instead was watching me dance during the celebrations, but he would never come dance with me. The next night, I was watching some people play pool, and he came to sit next to me. He said he had worked a really long shift last night. He said it was so late that he ended up just staying at the resort ...in one of the rooms...and that he still had a key. He pulled it out of his pocket. I was so upset; I'm not that type of girl! Why would he ever do such a thing?

wanting him · 9 months ago

his deep blue eyes and perfect smile make me melt inside. too bad he's already taken.

grudge. · 9 months ago

sucks, I know.

Summer lovin · 9 months ago

I looked into his eyes and could feel his gaze warm my body. Tingles raced through me and I no longer could hold eye contact without feeling scared. I turned to my friend and said "The why he looks at me makes me fall in love with him." He was a complete stranger at that time, but that look lasted the entire summer. Last summer, I had experienced my first summer fling. He was gorgeous and I felt completely at ease around him. My confidence shined when I was with him. After having my heart broken from an ex boyfriend I got the courage to put trust into another guy. He had also went through a bad breakup- that summer we used one another to help show each another that there are better people out there. He was genuine and did things that my ex had never done before. He walked me out to my car every time and watched me drive off, and then I would receive a text to make sure I drove home safely. When we went somewhere he held me as if he wanted to show me off. I felt appreciated and wanted to spend every minute with him. I still remember the feeling when his good friend told me he said he was scared to go to college because he liked me so much. I was falling in love with Mr. Perfect. I soon realized that Mr. Perfect does not exist. One night he went back to his ex girlfriend-they had sex. I couldn’t talk to him. Until one night I was highly intoxicated and called him. He admitted his obsession with his ex girlfriend, I understood it was his first love, but didn’t know what to do. He still wanted me, but did he want me to get over his ex? I felt horrible. Weeks passed and I slowly took him back. He was leaving for college soon and I tried to remember not to get too attached. I went to his house to say goodbye. He walked me outside as usual and held my hand, and said how grateful he was to have met me and how horrible the timing was because he needed me years ago. Tears began to fill our eyes and I gave him a tight long hug and got into my car. The next day he called me saying he wanted to come over. His flight was leaving in three hours and he wanted to say goodbye again. As I hung up the phone I couldn’t help but continue to smile. I ran into his arms and this time it wasn’t a sad goodbye but a I’ll be seeing you later. He called me when he landed and I talked to him everyday. Every day slowly became every 2 weeks. Weeks went by and we did not talk. But one day I was in the car and I had just awoken from a nap when I drove past a hoagie store…there he was. His beautiful thick brown hair was walking into Lees hoagies. That was him alright; it was also his favorite hoagie shop. He was home for a funeral, however, him being home made us close again. When he went back to college he continued to talk to me…he was coming home soon for break. I remember sitting in math class when I received a text message saying “I’m in the car going to the airport:)” I shrieked and the entire class looked at me. I felt myself not being able to control my smile once again. When I saw him over that break it felt as if nothing changed. We talked for six hours about everything. He once again walked me outside and as I moved away he grabbed my hand and we kissed. It was truly the best kiss I have ever had. I felt numb and I just wanted more, more of him. I drove home that night the happiest I have ever been. Winter break was not the same...but I still wanted him. Then I visited him at his college. He stood me up on a date the night before I was leaving aka Valentines Day weekend. My heart has finally given up on this boy that I have fantasized about. He still hasn’t called me. I refuse to talk to him again, but I know I’m not strong enough to resist him when he comes home March 20th (obviously I know his spring break.) I feel pathetic. I don’t trust boys and I’m tired of making myself vulnerable.

Anonymous · 9 months ago

You were my first real kiss... and I was your first kiss, period.

The kissing led to more and soon we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, but two horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off each other. We stopped it because we both loved each other too much to be "just friends with bens".

We never saw each other again.

I still think about you. My first true love.

(My biggest fear is that I'll never get over you.)

Anonymous · 9 months ago

So there was this guy, ofcouse, theres always a guy. Anyways, I really liked him , and it seemed like he liked me too, but ofcourse I was wrong.
At first it really seemed like it though, we would talk to each other on msn for hours, in school, and sometimes text each other. We had fun together, laughed and could talk about seriously anything..Like how my grandma gor seriously trashed one night and embarassed me infront of my moms boyfriends family. Things like that, and I wouldnt even care if he knew because I felt so comfortable around him.
And when we would look at each other it was like it was only him and me. Seriously, my friends would be like "its impossible to get a word in when you two are together, its as if both of you shut the rest of us out". so ofcourse I was happy and thought it could lead to something more, hay hay hay :P

So one weekend we were invited to a party, "the guy" was gonna be there.

My friends and I decide not to go straight away so we pre-gamed first, a couple glasses of wine and just catch up on some girl talk. Thats whats so great about beeing a girl, we dont need video games and computer games to have fun. We can sit with our girlfriends and talk for hours, well at least I can.

But after a while we got going to the party, and I though that if anything was ever gonna happen with "the guy" and me, it would be tonight since we had been flirting with each other for like a month or two. So he picks me and my firends up since the house was pretty hard to find.
But when we get inside we talk a little bit but then he just goes off and starts talking to some other girl, and we barley speak the rest of the night. So I was a bit confused and thought, whatever.....
But when I needed to go to the bathroom I saw them two all over each other, making out like crazy. It felt like my heart fell to the ground and I just couldnt hold back my tears. I locked myself in the bathroom, or at least I thought I did because when I was sitting on the toilet the door rips open and a guy is standing there screaming "sorry, I didnt see anything". It was pretty funny but I was still feeling pretty down.
After that party I decided just to get over him, and I heard from a bunch of my guy friends and girlfriends that he was a player and went from girl to girl because he gets bored really guickly. So I thought to myself, maybe its best nothing ever happened and that we just stayed friends. Who knows, I certainly wont.

. · 9 months ago

I hate myself for having loved you.
I hate that I ever needed you.
Ever wanted you.
I hate the way you still make me feel. So unwanted.
I hate that you don't even care.
I only wanted you, but you never cared to notice.




But most of all, I hate that I still love you.
I hate that I still need you.
Still want you.
Even though you will never love me, never want me, never need me.

Anonymous · 9 months ago

I love him so much. I know I hurt him, but I am going to do everything I can to gain back his trust. I was wrong and I made a mistake. I was confused and didn't see what was in front of my eyes. I am going to try so hard ... I am ready to fully commit this time. He is the only one I want and I know how much we love each other and how special we are as a couple. <3

kelsey · 9 months ago

i dated who i consider to be my first full out true love, for 10 months. He was enlisted in the navy and i kept faithfull, as i believe he did. He was an alcoholic and previous abuser of various drugs (pcp, coke, etc.) His joining the navy made me think he was cured, better, not the violent prick he once was. I was so in love i refused to recognize the obvious signs of his addiction. The violence was still within him and showed itself at oppurtine moments like christmas and other holidays. But still i could not leave him, i felt so strongly he was the love of my life. One night we got into a minor fight but i was very upset. He threw me out of the car, left me on the side of the road hysterically crying, threw my phone at me and lunged to punch me. And i still stayed with him. My ignorance was made obvious when he broke my heart 7 days before my birthday and 8 before valentines day, because he was drunk and my parents wouldnt allow me to go visit him in florida. I had never felt so much pain, it felt like someone sliced my chest open and ripped my heart out. Him trying to contact me afterwards through AIM, friends and facebook made my life a living hell. I was still in love but couldnt let this person back in, there was too high of a chance he would hurt me. He had no mercy. After a long time i realized that he couldnt have been more wrong for me. I was blinded by his manipulation and my deep desire for companionship. He made me realize what i need in a boyfriend and what i dont. Never again will i date an alcoholic or anyone who gets so close to hitting me multiple times. Im grateful he ended it when he did, because i was not strong enough to. I learned a lot- especially when he married his ex girlfriend not a year after we broke up and she is currently pregnant with his child.

Anonymous · 9 months ago

You were my first boyfriend.
You turned on the television when we had sex.
You're an insecure bastard.
Yet I continue to talk to you.

May I Be Your Mistress? · 9 months ago

You looked especially delicious today with your new haircut, black tee, and green cords..

The way the strap of your messenger bag tugged at the collar of your shirt, showing more neck than is usual, oh dear god, I wanted to jump you.
You could have me.
You will.
I'm just impatient.

used. · 9 months ago

I'm constantly the booty-call. Right now I'm okay with that.

alone · 9 months ago

I feel connected to him. even though we havent met. i'm going thru a loss that he went through last summer. I want that connection with someone else. i need it.

Tess · 9 months ago

I fell for him. I fell for him hard. Only one problem: so did she. Before I begin to talk about him, there is somethings you should know, some background on this little "situation" I have.

I met her nearly four summers ago and we became instant best friends. Only problem there was we also would be best friends with 2000 miles between us, but, as you will see, that is the story of my life. After the summer faded and the leaves began to change, she had dated and broke up with another boy because she "came out of the closet" and told me that I should talk to him, that we would be great together. So I start to instant massage with him, and, as things progressed, began talking on the phone with him. Of course this just continued and we became best friends, him and I. As time went on, two years to be exact, we thought well why not try the "next step"? So we became a "we"... from 2000 miles away. We spent as much time together as we could, spring break, summer visits, but then he chose to leave the country. He needed to "find himself" which is quite true. We lasted one year, 3 weeks, and 4 days before the added 18,000 miles finally tore us apart. We just moved apart. We tried different things, phone cards, emails, facebook, anything, but we became a him and me again.

BACK UP!!!!

You remember that friend, her? Well she started to date another him. He is who I want to talk about. She dated him for a total of a year and two months before choosing a different her over him. He was devastated, he had taken her back a few times over that year and two months because she would go back to this different her. Last Autumn, she was having some problems and he, knowing she and I were good friends, thought I should know, so he and I started talking. He and I also realized that she was not in a state in which she would be able to support either of us in anything in our lives at the time, so he and I thought it would be smart to help each other out with this, exchanged phone numbers and called it a night.

The next night was one of those nights. I called him bawling over something that had happened and he comforted me. He then called the next day, and I the following. He and I began talking everyday for extensive lengths of time, hours upon hours in fact. Then she and he broke up, she wanted to be with the different her. And I stayed on the phone with him all night. We continued our nightly ritual, and somewhere along the line, I fell for him. I fell for him hard. He asked on numerous occasions to become a we, but I didn't wasn't ready to just dive in again like that. So he waited. He waited for me. I fell even harder. I decided to go visit him for my spring break, planned everything and actually set it up to surprise him a day early. I finally got there, and went to pick him up from school. Driving down the parking lot, he stood on the sidewalk and my heart raced. His jaw dropped in shock. He finally ran over and kissed me. He kissed me, and he kissed me hard, and it was amazing. I fell for him the hardest then. As he and I drove back to his house, he stayed in shock unable to speak, just looking at me, touching my skin, holding my hand. After going in the house, I asked him if he and I could be a we, and he said yes, that he wanted that more than anything. So we became a we that Thursday afternoon. I fell for him. I fell for him hard. And to tell you the truth, I love him. I love him more than anything, more than everything, more than all the anythings. I love him.

anonymous · 9 months ago

damn.
you would be so much more attractive
if you didn't really think
that the jews killed jesus.

Anonymous · 9 months ago

There are so many submissions I could post this as a response to, so I'll just leave it on its own. I just wanted to thank all the girls who have written here as reading this cite gives me the support I need to finally let go of him, say goodbye to any notion that we will end up as something more than friends. Thank you all, and wish me luck :D

right on sista · 9 months ago

good luck!

· 9 months ago

i'm so scared of having my heart broken
that i won't let myself love.

and that scares me most of all.

blue eyes · 9 months ago

everytime i look at you, i repeat over and over in my head "look at me, look at me." when you do, i tell myself to smile to show i want you but i always look away. your blue eyes are mesmerizing...i can't get enough of them. i want to stare into your eyes and have you look at me. really LOOK at me. see me. i want you so bad. my only chance is gone. i want you to hold me. to kiss me. i want you to smile and love me. you are for me. i know you are. why can't you see that?

ANONYMOUS · 9 months ago

My boyfriends dog died recently. Him and his family loved him. He called me and said, "Shane's dead." I was so speechless. I asked him if he wanted me to come over. He said yes so I was at his house within ten minutes. We went upstairs to his room and laid in his bed. I knew I didn't have to say anything, being there was enough. He started hysterically crying. His body was trembling as actual tears rolled down his eyes. I had never seen him cry before. I realized from that point on that my boyfriend was just not a boy who I had sex with and hung out with all the time. He was my best friend.

grudge. · 9 months ago

Call me Slut.
It's the law.

Dont do any back ground checks, you fool.

Dont try to find sides to the story or even think about the circumstance at hand

Call me a slut.

I did suck his dick, yes.

Yearning for attention- all of us. He wants to get wit me?

Cute. Sure. I do it because i probably like the guy and this action will probably help my self esteem.

It would if you prissy girls didn't analyze the rumors of MY hookup (not yours) and call me a slut. And talk about the night like you were there. Like you know shit.

Trash me.

fine.

How are people talking about it, if I didnt tell anyone?

No one knew about it.

Oh. He told.

Did he tell them that i was crying during the finger-vagina contact

No, because he didnt know.

I was scared.

I didnt want to tell him to stop. I didnt want to create that awkward situation

I was young and terrified.

When will this be over. Take me home, PLEASE. This really hurts.

"Do you have a condom"

No, I will not have sex with you (ok, I did something right)

my eyes tear. He becomes more forceful. I Can't tell him to stop??

we're in the back of my car.

I didnt think this was going to escalade as so

All i thought was oh he likes me! he wants to makeout with me! oh yay.

he wanted more. He wanted to tell his friends.

Call me a slut.

They all called me a slut.

Yall think i wanted to do that? it appears so, so call me a slut.

You probably think I was all for it. I enjoyed it. I'm just a huge skank. I love that dick.- by the neighborhood slut definition.

I cried sucking it... But i must have loved it because according to the majority... I'm A slut.

A slut is someone who is irresponsible within their sexuality. Doing shit for attention. Tell all the friends. Flirt uncontrollably. Yearning for sex. Dress like a 12 yearold. . Yes, I will call you a slut. But to call some poor high school girl a slut, when you don't know shit. Fuck you. Do you understand the nights i stayed up and cried after being hammered in the back seat until 5 in the morning. Do you understand how i felt when i heard about how everyone laughed at the situation and called me a slut. Thanks.

anonymous · 9 months ago

So for the past few months, I've really really liked this guy. We'll call him "A". A and I are in a lot of the same classes, and have always been friendly-ish. This year we've kinda become good friends, and we hang out a lot in school. For a while i was kind of in denial that I liked him, because I didnt really want to have to deal with all the complications that come when you admit you really like someone: every time I walk into a class, i scan the room to see if he is there, and then try to get a seat next to him or near him, thinking the whole time that I'm being so obvious and making a fool out of myself. But the thing is, there were plenty of times where we would end up talking and it wouldn't just be my initiative, so I guess I kind of assumed he was somewhat interested, even though I couldn't tell if he liked me the same way.
So last night, I was talking to a friend online, and she and another girl were talking to A's best friend, G. She asked me if she wanted her to bring up Me and A because there was a perfect opportunity in the conversation for her to subtly bring it up. At first I didn't want her to, because I figured that G would take that to mean that I do like him and then tell A and I didnt think I was ready for that. But she really wanted to and seemed to think it was a great idea, and I trust her. So after some convincing, she and the other girl planned out this whole thing where they bring up a picture of me and A that was just put on facebook (A doesnt have a facebook) and then were kind like "they look so cute together, etc." Well, G seemed to think that A wouldnt approve of the picture too much, first, because he hates being in pictures, and second because its me and him, and well, "I dont know if he is right but
A thinks that she might like him, but he doesn't really like her."
My friends were pretty surprised, cause i don't think any of us really expected that. And they didnt know what to tell me. My friend finally told me, like half and hour after the convo was over, and I was kind of, well, shocked. I know that sound bad, just assuming that he must have liked me back, but honestly, we all thought he did. But I didn't cry, I wasnt even that upset. I just felt rejected, and numb. And now, the next morning, I'm trying not to think about it, but I cant really help it. I keep trying to explain to myself why he doesnt like me, even though I cant possibly know, it just hurts to feel like I'm not good enough, not what he wants. But now I dont know what to do. When I go to school tomorrow, do I still sit next to him? do I still like him even? I guess I do- you cant get over someone in one night.
But heres the thing- I keep hanging on to the little words, "he doesnt REALLY like her"- or the fact that we spent all this time together anyway. I know i'm being ridiculous, but I'm not ready to accept that rejection yet- I just dont know how im going to deal with it now.

*Since this actually just happened, any words of advice would be much appreciated, Thanks*

be you · 9 months ago

aww that story was sweet. don't worry that is so common. first of all, a reason for him not liking you back could be that he likes a chase or a game and not a girl that puts herself out there and makes that much effort to be with him. If you take a little space, not obviously, but keep flirting with him, just don't make such an effort or cling. Keep your head up and be confident don't let that convo get to you. Pretend like you didn't hear it. He doesn't know you know about it necessarily. People aren't always compatible, you have to remember, if he isn't interested back it's okay there are plenty of guys out there. It's fun to have a crush, just keep it simple and don't have that convo get to you girl!!

Anonymous · 8 months ago

I honestly don't know if I'm apologizing to him or to me, but here it is.
Sorry I liked you.
Sorry I got annoying.
Sorry I became obsessive.
Sorry I made it weird.
Sorry I said yes.
Sorry I gave you a shitty blow job.
Sorry I didn't talk about it.

I've used this word so much, that when people say it to me it doesn't mean much.
So when he apologized with a simple "I'm sorry" it didn't change anything.
I still think it's all my fault.

Not Over You · 8 months ago

Vanessa Carlton and Michelle Branch say it perfectly.

And you say we're too young, but maybe you're too old to remember
And I try to pretend but I just feel it when we're together
And if you don't believe me, you never really knew us
You never really knew
-Who's to Say, Vanessa

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
-Goodbye to You, Michelle Branch

chaque fois que tu t'en vas
you just bring me down
je pretends que tout va bien
so I'm counting my tears
till I get over you
-Till I Get Over You, Michelle Branch

mmm · 8 months ago

I can handle it when boys don't call me back, but when they don't call my friends back I get worried. Things should be straightforward. LM is so much more weird about social things and dating than any other school.

Lost in Love · 8 months ago

In a perfect world, I'd be yours and you'd be mine
But perfection is surreal, so I'll wait in line
I'll wait for you , because you mean that much
I'll wait for you even though I yearn for your touch
Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking of you
And I cry, doubting that you're thinking of me too
Tears fall from my eyes and drip down to my chin
Loving someone as much as I love you should be considered a sin
How can I love you this much, yet still hurt so deeply inside?
How can every conversation, turn into a loss of my pride?
If you love me than you'll stop pushing me away
If you love me than you'll promise to appreciate everyday
Everyday that you wake up, knowing I wait for your call
Everyday I wish you could be here to catch me when I fall
One more moment in your arms, a kiss from your lips
All I want is to be yours, but I can feel my heart rip
I'm putting me to the side, so I can be there for you
That says a lot about me, what does it say about you?

EEK · 8 months ago

Today, my boyfriend and i were making out for a while. i got bored so i opened my eyes and i saw this old lady glaring at us. FML.

meep · 8 months ago

Just go for that blonde bitch. She's a huge tease. Have fun with your blueballs dumbass.

Anonymous · 8 months ago

I've liked him FOREVER. When he finally liked me back, I ran away. Now he doesn't like me anymore, but I still want him. Why can't I get my act together??

I KNOW · 8 months ago

exactlywhat i was thinking this sucks

anonymous · 8 months ago

I knew that he liked me, but I never really gave him a chance.
Junior year, my friend and I went a little crazy, and hooked up with A LOT of guys. One night, I had a little too much to drink, and ended up hooking up, and giving head to a boy that I had hooked up with once before. I was so infatuated, and I couldn’t get him off of my mind. For the next couple months, we hooked up on occasion and eventually decided that we were going to wait until the summer to start hooking up again.
Well, we didn’t wait that long at all. We ended up hooking up about a month or two later. I was really excited, because I thought that he actually liked me, and that he thought about me as much as a thought about him. I was wrong. A couple of weeks later, he started hooking up with another girl in my grade, and they got pretty intense. I never acted upset, because it wasn’t like we were in a relationship or anything, but inside I felt so insulted. I had been friends with him since 7th grade, and he obviously just thought of me as an object, and thought this other girl who he hardly knew was so much prettier then me.
For the last couple months of school, I started to become really close with another boy. He was so sweet, and I could tell that he really cared about me. He told some of my friends that he really liked me, but I ignored it. I talked to him because he was willing to listen to me.
Finally the summer came. The first week of summer, the jazz band took a trip to Italy. Instead of sitting with the boy who I loved to talk to, I sat with the other one on the plane. A couple minutes after the plane took off, we hooked up. And the other boy was sitting right next to us. We got to Italy, and just my luck, the two boys were rooming together. The next night, we were on the bus, and I ended up hooking up with a completely random boy in my grade, because I was too scared to turn him down. I only did this because I had lost all of my self-confidence from being hurt so badly. The two roomies both saw it, and I regret doing it. Even thought the first boy hurt me so badly, I was still interested in him. I didn’t want to lose him, solely because knowing that he would hook up with me made me feel prettier, and made me think that more guys would want me. But it took me way too long to realize that that wasn’t what I actually wanted. With two days left in the trip, the boy who I had become so close with at the end of the year took me out of my room, and into the hallway in the hotel. It was 5 A.M, and the sun was rising. We sat across from each other, and he held my hands, and said “what would you do if I kissed you right now?” My heart was racing. I don’t even remember my response, I was so nervous, but after that he asked my permission to kiss me, and I nodded, and smiled. The moment our lips touched, I knew he was the one. It was the best feeling in the entire world. I was so stupid to wait so long. He was absolutely perfect for me. Right after we got back from Italy, I went away for 5 weeks, and it was so hard. I missed him so much. When I got home, we hung out almost every day before school started. He officially asked me out the day before we went back to school. I’m so happy that I finally accepted him, because he is the boy of my dreams. I just wish I realized sooner. I feel so bad for hurting him. If only I realized earlier that he was the love of my life.

stupid · 8 months ago

The things I trusted you with got around.
So when I tried to kill my self I thought you would understand that I really didn't want your trouble anymore
you ruined my life
we still haven't directly talked about it
I guess I never really told you it was your fault
I can't believe I thought I trusted you
its been two years.
i still miss you
I can't listen to any of your music anymore

Boogie Nights · 8 months ago

I was in withdrawl. It had been a solid 5 months without ANY action. A night out was exactly what I needed, and I was on a mission. It was the party of the semester and I had to use my most secret connections just to get in. My girlfriend and I did a lap around the house, scouting out my options. We decided our best bet was to hit the dance floor and off we went. Music pumping, hair flying, bodies grinding. Then I saw him. Across the dance floor was a guy clearly looking for a good time: a good time I knew I could give him. We danced for a little while then things started to get hot. He was rubbing my thighs, kissing my neck, our hot bodies were sliding together to the beat of the music. Then he whispered in my ear and suddenly my world was spun around. “I’m gay, but I would totally go straight for you,” he said. Oh. No. This is not what I wanted, this is not….Hey! Hold on a minute. Maybe this is what I wanted. Yes! This is perfect. A guilt-free no string attached hookup with a beautiful (gay) man. Perfect. I spun around to face him and smiled. “Would go straight for me, or will?” I asked. “Oh, I’m totally down” he replied, and that was that. I made out with my first gay guy and he, believe it or not, made out with his first girl! I later found out that he had just broken up with his boy friend of a year (awww), and thought that maybe, before looking for a new boy, he should see if there was something about girls he was missing out on. He told me I was great, that he would love to hang out, but that “kissing a girl just doesn’t do it for him. No offense”. No offense taken. Mission accomplished.

Endless frustration... · 8 months ago

I don't think a rollercoaster of emotion is exactly good for my mental health when he's completely into me for two weeks, everything is really good for a month, everything goes incredibly wrong for two weeks, we break up and don't talk for two weeks, then we repeat the cycle. Especially when it's been going on for...10 months now?

But it's such a hard cycle to break! Because when it's good it's amazing... Now why can't it always be like that, huh?

A Haiku · 8 months ago

First kisses are lame,
Even in nighttime playgrounds,
If they taste like ham.

no one · 8 months ago

I can’t get up I can’t stand tall
My heart is broken and shriveled and mauled
My face in transparent yet convincing and strong
But my body is aching, my stare sudden longs
They escape to my cheeks, the surface of world
I hide my feelings and never yearn
To trust anyone
Never. You don’t understand…

You don’t understand the tears I’ve cried
The false belief and the truth in mind
My body aches and my stomach churns
I never want to get up. I may never return…

Anonymous · 8 months ago

Have you ever developed a bit of an obsession with a guy that you don’t know personally, you just know about him? It’s not really a crush, because you don’t know him at all. You just want to talk to him, and become friends. It happens to me all the freaking time, but freshman year, one of my obsessions became more severe than ever before. I actually stalked him a bit. Not just look-at-his-facebook stalk, but IMed him even though we’d only talked in person once, and noted where I’d seen him throughout the school days to learn his schedule. I know, I’m ashamed.

After a summer of trying to get over my obsession, I returned for sophomore year thinking I’d succeeded. Nope. So what do I do? After meeting the guy’s best friend, I develop a relationship with him (the best friend). Let’s call him green eyes. Green eyes and I date for five months. Meanwhile the original guy and I actually become friends, and the obsession is broken. After my relationship ends with green eyes when he didn’t ask me to prom, I turn my focus back to my new friend: green eye’s best friend and my former obsession.

This is when the real story starts. The guy and I became so close, that I was convinced we were best friends. We were hanging out and texting constantly, and I was confiding in him solely. He WAS my best friend. And then he got sick. Mentally. I’m still not sure what it was – a nervous breakdown, depression, I don’t know. About four days after his breakdown, I texted him to see how he was. And from that point on, I got the sense that he needed me. He was already my best friend, but we became even closer because I was taking care of him. And he took care of me, too. He gave me humor when I needed it the most, and he listened when I needed to talk. He was my best friend.

One night, he was going to take me home after our extracurricular activity, like always. I was lagging behind because I had to gather all the different music for new parts I was playing, and he waited patiently. In fact, he came over and started to help me pull the stuff together. And that’s when I felt it. My best friend, the one who I’d sworn I could never be more than friends with, made me nervous. I went from completely comfortable to constantly alert, analyzing every motion either of us made, and assuming he did the same. I had feelings for my best friend. We went away on a group trip together at the beginning of the summer, and my feelings intensified. After nine inseparable days together, I contemplated my feelings, thinking that maybe I was really in love for the first time in my life.

I went away for five weeks to another country, and called him internationally twice, having good long conversations with him. I came home and he barely talked to me. It seemed his mental illness had come back, and he was cutting off all of his old friends, perhaps in preparation for college. I saw him twice, for about five minutes each, and the worst was the second time. He came over to pick up some things he had lent me before he left for college. He was extremely awkward, told me to “stay in touch… I guess”, and left after refusing to give me a hug goodbye.

I didn’t see or hear from him until December 30th. I went four months without a single response to any texts, IMs, or emails I sent. I was left with a gaping void in my life. I lost my guy friend, absolute best friend, and guy that I was in love with all in one. Turns out he took the year off from college after going on medical leave. When I finally saw him, I was tricked into it. He’d been hanging out with this girl who he used to talk to me about how much he hated her. She invited me to hang out, and when I drove her to where we planned to go, he was there, waiting to hang out with us. He was a jerk to me, despite the fact that he arranged the meeting, and hooked up with that girl a few days later. I’ve seen him twice – that night, and about a month ago. He showed up at an event I was performing in and immaturely avoided me, making a huge scene about how he was doing so. I broke down. The incident had rendered me completely dysfunctional, just as I had been back in August and September. Desperately seeking any form of relief, I emailed him. I proposed my request: if you’re not going to be a positive presence in my life, please don’t be in my life. His response (which I was shocked that there was actually a response) conflicted itself, bringing claims against me, claims that he only came to see me, and claims defending himself and how he only wanted the best for me.

We’re trying to be friends now. We’ve talked a bit on IM, but it’s uncomfortable. We both know that we’re watching what we say, not wanting to get too close. But I’m still stuck on him. Not the person he is now, but who he used to be. I’m in love with a guy who doesn’t exist anymore, and I still feel lonely because of this.

all_over_the_place · 8 months ago

I've liked him for over a year. I always thought that he was the perfect guy. He was confident and cool, yet a little shy and reserved. My friends didn't really understand what I saw in him.. I thought that he was the cutest thing alive.. He's a real man.. tall and broad. he looked like the kind of guy who could protect me from any hardm taht might come my way. It all started in junior year. We would talk sometimes in classes that he had togther and we would look at each other sometimes from across the classroom. There were sometimes times at school activities/ events that we would talk . It was all pretty casual.. although I would usually go out of my way to talk to him (although I tried not to be too obvious about it). Now we dont see each other for the whole summer and theres some stuff that happened with other guys at a summer program.. but that ended and all of those people lived far away. I still liked him and when i came back to school we still had the same subtle flirtings going on. We hung out in school at times. Once we went on a walk andf ended up in this room and talked for at least a half hour.. just talking, nothing more. I really liked him and was pretty sure that he liked me. I got his screenname at some point and after much pacing eventually gained the courage to im him. We talked for a little bit and he mentiioned that we should hang out some time. Some time went by and we hadn't hung out and then I im'ed him over vaction and he asked if I wanted to see a movie with him. I had hooked up with guys before, but that was my fiurst real date. Was saw kind of a scary movie and I was like freaking out and holding onto him the whole time. Then he walked me home and kissed me right outside of my house. After that I was on cloud nine and was like so excited/nervous about this whole thing and where it would lead. I couldn't eat for a few days aftter that because of the excitment. I didn't hear back from him for the rest of vacation since we texted later that night. My friend was trying to convience me that he should've called me agian and that he was unable to be commited to anyone. I agreed with her and was upset with that he hadn't tried talking to me again, but I wasn't goiong to let it get to me too much... In school the next week we talked alittle sometimes, but not as much as I might've liked. There was this kind of awkwardness between us. I hated it and debated with myself over whether I should approach him and over what this meant for us and what he was thinking. I wasn't sure if he was just shy or if this meant that he didn't really like me... So one Saturday night I was obsessing and stressing to one of my friends and i asked her if she thought I should text him to ask to hang out.. she convienced me to text him. It turns out that he was hanging out with another friend that night and i told him that that was too bad b/c i wanted to hang out with him. He asked about the next day but I was unavailable so I told him that I was doing something but that we should hang out soon... That monday in school we were hanging out in school at some point when we both didn't have class. We ended up back in that room that he had taken me to a few months back. This time we hooked up in there. I was so happy.. he told me that he really wanted to do that.. then he was holding me and telling me that he didn'ty want me to leave (I had to go because i was already late for my ride home). The next time I saw him in school, we waved at each other. I don't exacty know how I should behave around him.. I feel weird being all over him and whatever. We talk occasionally and I get upset with the situation and at myself. I was especially upset with myself when I didn't talk to him at all at this particular school function. But I also realized, because a friend pointed it out, that he also didn't make an effort to talk to me so I shouldn't beat myself up over this.
I make a consciouss effort not to obsess over him beacsue I saw that it was pissing off my friends when I talked about him so much and that it wasn't healthy for me. We went on vacation again and I talked to him beforehand the break and found out that he was going to be away. Over the break I tried not to talk about him and i didn'ty text him. There wasn't that pressure of should I ask him to hang out/ should I not because he was away... On the first day back we were hanging out in school and walking around together and he stopped somewhere to make a photocopy and my friend comes up to me and asks me to go somewhere with her and I stupidly agree because I didn't know exactly how to explain why I couldn't go ( she's not a huge fan of his and it's possible that she was trying to get me away unpurpose). .. why I came back to where he was, he wasn't there.. I mean I don't blame him for anything.. I was just so extremely pissed at myself for voluntarily leaving when I had been waiting for a moment like this for over a month.

Sometimes I just think that I am so stupid. I am already confused about what he thinks.. and now I'm probably confusinmg him. There is so much I want to talk about but i don't know how/ don't always feel comfortable approaching him. i'm not sure exactly where I'd want this to go, but I know that I don't want it to stop. I've liked him for so long and I do not want to let such a good opportunity pass me by. I think that I'd want to be his gf. I want to have him all to myself and don't want to have this whole awkward thing between us. I also know that I really like him and that I would be crushed if I found out that there was anything going on with him and another girl. the thing is I don't just want to hook up wioth him. i want him. I want to hold hand, I want to just sit in each others' arms, I want to be able to tell him things that I cannot tell anyone else. A feart that I have of gettinmg into a relationship is knowing taht we will not be able to be together forever and that I don't want a bad breakup that would lead to a destruction of the friendship that we had or would leave me hating him. I know that I should not go into life with those fears, but I still have them. I also know that whatever we do end up having will have to end in about 4 months because our post college plans will lead us to be very fart away from one another next year. The fact that I know that we have an exact cut off date scares me a little in that i'll be going in knowing that it does not have the potential to last forever and that we are going to more or less have an exact cut off date. I also fear that what he wants is primarily a physical relationship whci is not really what i want. I know that i should talk to him about this at some point because I am so shy and have this humongous fear of rejection. I know that I should have more confidence in myself, but it is sometimes hard for me to grasp the idea that somebody actually likes me. Since he is honestly the first person in my school to really show interest in me and to recipricate my feelings for him. I do not want to end out the rest of my senior year without having a guy that is mine. i hope this doesn't sound like I am just settling for someone just because he likes me.. I do genuinely like him. i just realize that he is the only one and that there would be no one else for me if things werte to end with him.

my my thoughts are seriously all over the place. I'm sure that guys do not spend this much time trying to figure things out. I am still in the middle of this situation now and I really can't predict what will happen in the future... I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Broken Heart · 8 months ago

He was my first love. I didn't even realize I liked him at first. It started with holding hands, making him walk me to class. It was all just fun, I wanted to be his friend because he was just so adorable. I ended up getting mono (still don't know from who) and he was the first person to come visit me. We spent a few hours just talking and watching a spring thunderstorm. I was his first girlfriend, his first a lot of things actually. And him for me, I just wasn't nearly as naive or innocent. When he told me he loved me I melted into a puddle. I could see us spending forever together. Things were great for the first 7 months. I had never been happier. The 8th month things got complicated. We had sex. I don't regret it at all because I know he was supposed to be my first. We were so in love. The next 2 months, however, got weird. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, talk to him all the time. He started returning my phone calls less and less, becoming more and more distant. I couldn't understand what was wrong. It all came down to one Sunday morning and a 45 minute phone call. I had never cried that hard before and haven't since. It was all over and the only explanation I got was that he was "falling out of love" with me. Not only did that break my heart, but it pissed me off. We dated for 10 months and it took me over 2 months to stop crying myself to sleep. I miss him sometimes and something reminds me of him every day. It kills me to see him walk by in the hallway, walk past me in a class room, sit down right next to me and completely ignore the fact that I exist. I was a big part of his life for around a year and he doesn't even have the decency to wave or just give me a freaking head nod. It's like he breaks my heart over and over again every day. We broke up a year ago this month. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over him, but I know that he'll never come back to me.

Just Remember This · 7 months ago

I love you.
I love you and I'm too afraid to tell you.
You're the perfect guy, the guy that every girl would be so lucky to have.
I love you does not even seem a strong enough phrase for the way I feel.
I wonder why you don't love me back, but I know.
I know that you're too good for me.
I know that I showed you the wrong side of myself, and that with the impression I gave you, I would have no chance of finding anyone to love me, let alone someone as amazing as you.

Amazing.
Amazing how much my heart aches when I'm not with you.
Amazing how happy I am just to be near you, even in silence.
Words unspoken which I once thought were there are now but mere fantasies.
Amazing. You are so amazing.
I am consistently awed by all you do.
The intense kindness of your heart, your intelligence, your confidence.
You are so understanding and so selfless.
You are everything I wish I could be.
I love you.
I love you and I'm too afraid to tell you.

But you already know.

Update · 7 months ago

A little while ago I wrote in here about how my boyfriend broke up with me and I was heartbroken. I just wanted to let you all know that I have a new boyfriend and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love him.

this sucks · 7 months ago

you're so lucky.

this sucks · 7 months ago

I cant believe that i wasted so much of my time and so much of my love on you. What did i see in you? you were controlling, manipulative, shallow, closed minded, and just plain dumb. You never listened to me. I have to much to say, but you never listen. I am way to good for you, and it took me so long to realize this. That it is just pathetic. I am so angry with myself. You are really a jerk, you really really are. I hope one day you are truly sorry for the way that you treated me these past few years. I know that you really wont realize because you are too self absorbed, I only wish i saw this sooner.

I don't know how to love anyone else. You really ruined me. I will recover. I know I will. I used to think I was so lucky because you loved me so much. You never really loved me. It hurts so much knowing that I have never been loved, especially after thinking that I was so adored. You would have loved the first girl that came your way! Well it was me, lucky old me.

I cant wait until I find someone else. I'm so excited for that day.

finally content · 6 months ago

I can't believe how fortunate I am, how lucky I've been for the past several weeks. He was always a good friend, but in April something finally clicked on my end (apparently everyone else knew how he felt except for yours truly, Miss Oblivious) and we've been enjoying one another's company ever since. Since the end of classes for seniors, I've seen him as often as possible. It's been more of a relationship than I've ever had, but this time I can say there isn't any of the usual awkwardness, the searching for conversation or an escape. It's a shame it had to happen so late and so close to the beginning of college, but at least we have these fleeting months.

He doesn't know it, but I'm calling him over to make lunch tomorrow.